Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Hand Job

My dearest Sassies, I apologize for my absence over the last few days. First, Blogger was having technical difficulties so I couldn't post even if I wanted to; then I had to contend with a nasty cold and was down for the count. I'm feeling better today though, and Blogger is up and running. Rest assured, the bitch is back.

So I'm scanning the paper a couple days ago when I come across an article that can only be described as "Holy f*ck! Are we THAT vain?". It was a piece on the newest trend in plastic surgery - "hand rejuvenation". 

Apparently, when celebrities get work done, and they're of a certain age, their hands can give away the fact that they're not actually 25 but more like 50 because, up until recently, there haven't really been any procedures to "lift" the hands. So someone like, say, Madonna, whose face looks great but hands are all old and veiny, is now a walking Frankenstein. Obviously, this is a major issue and someone had to come up with a solution.

Hence, hand rejuvenation. Here are some of the available treatments I found on cosmeticsurgery.com:

There are various types of hand rejuvenation treatments. All of these options possess their own set of risks, benefits, costs, and techniques. The more common include:

Chemical Peel:
When these chemicals are applied to the skin, it causes age spots to disappear while tissue appears less transparent.

Sclerotherapy:
When a sclerosing solution is injected into unsightly veins. This chemical solution irritates the veins, causing them to turn white and gradually disappear.

Microdermabrasion:
This is a superficial skin polishing procedure that involves sanding off the first layer of skin with tiny crystals.

Laser Skin Resurfacing:
Through short bursts of laser light, unsightly veins and dark “age” spots are gently removed from the skin.

Injectable fillers (Fat, Collagen, Restylane, etc.)
– When these fillers are injected into the hands they can plump up the skin and give it a more youthful appearance.


Some worrisome vocabulary from this excerpt:

1) This chemical solution irritates the veins, causing them to turn white and gradually disappear. Huh? 

2) This is a superficial skin polishing procedure that involves sanding off the first layer of skin with tiny crystals. Again, I say: Huh?

Are you kidding me? Irritating my veins and sanding off the first layer of my skin all in the name of vanity? I mean, I know Hollywood is superficial and all but when will they hit rock bottom? How far will celebrities take these age-defying procedures before they realize they've all gone insane? 

It's actually quite sad. We are a culture in deep denial of the nature of our existence. We're temporary. Our bodies are temporary. Everything and everyone around us is temporary. Our bodies are meant to age over time. Why can't we embrace this instead of deluding ourselves into thinking we can cheat our biological destiny? We can't. 

I have a love/hate relationship with Hollywood and celebrity. This issue really makes me bring my hate on. We are not Barbie and Ken. There is no "perfect" look, and it's OK and perfectly natural to age. Trying to deny these truths will only hurt us in the end, and cause us suffering in the interim as we irritate our veins for a more youthful glow.

 How will God know it's time to let us into Heaven if our hands have been "rejuvenated"?

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