In honour of this rite of passage, I figured I should probably come up with a manifesto for this new chapter in my life, so here goes...
Being 40 - a manifesto
I will not automatically conclude that every minor physical ailment is cancer (or some other life-threatening illness) which means that, under no circumstance am I to look up symptoms on the Internet. Ever.
I will continue to shop at places like Aritzia, American Eagle, Hollister, etc... you know, places where "40" doesn't exist, because dammit, I like their stuff, despite the fact that a salesperson at Aritzia once asked me if I was shopping for my daughter (*cue Psycho shower scene music here as this accurately expresses my rage at the very thought of this).
At any given time, I will eat as many cupcakes as I want.
I will never wear high-waisted shorts that expose my ass cheeks. This has nothing to do with my age. It's a matter of taste... and class, as in, I don't hail from a trailer park.
As much as possible, I will be honest and do away with pretense, unless it's in my best interest to lie.
I will try to read grown-up books, unless The Bachelor is on, then all bets are off.
I will continue to wear my Lululemon gear while doing yoga because my Lulu leggings are so old, you can't see my ass crack through them.
I will continue to use abbreviated words like LOL, OMG, Whatevs, TTYL, etc... because I'm lazy and have become accustomed to not speaking in full sentences.
I will no longer base my self-worth on the number of "likes" I receive or followers I have on various social media platforms. I will develop a drinking problem instead to deal with pesky feelings of worthlessness and self-doubt.
I will always choose sleep over personal hygiene. This will never change.
"Morning" me will always be skinnier than "evening" me. It's a fact I've come to accept.
Corn dogs and mayo = breakfast of champions. Ok, maybe I do hail from a trailer park.
Hello Kitty is also turning 40 in 2014. I don't know why that matters, but it does.
|Betcha didn't know there was a Playboy Hello Kitty...|