A Plague of Wokeusts

As I wrapped up my morning worship service at the altar I set up for Chris Harrison, in the hope he'll one day return to the Bachelor franchise, I wondered: Will Black Friday be changed to "Day you can trample your neighbour to buy useless shit that's on sale"; will the Indian Ocean be changed to "Indigenous Persons' Ocean"; will anyone ever again understand what someone means when using the word "they"; will Shotgun Wedding now be known as "Pre-matrimony pregnancy ceremony"?

Should humans born as biologically female ever bother again with competitive swimming? Since "she" competitors may have been a former he who's now a she and claiming to be two spirited. Or is that too spirited? I get confused.

I figured while public discourse in the West was raging over whether Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head should have a gender, I'd learn Mandarin. 

Aren't the homeless visible enough to be considered a "visible minority"? 

If there's Metis blood in my European family tree, is that cultural appropriation? 

I was blindsided by the interdiction of the word "blind". 

Should "competitive pricing" now be "participation pricing"?

Should He-Man and She-ra now be referred to as "They-man" and "They-ra"? Will it matter when Putin takes Ukraine?

As a white, Gen X, cisgender, heterosexual female pondering the sins of others that have somehow become my own, I wonder: "If I enter the confessional, can a pedophile in a dress absolve me"?

If you're into BDSM, can you still use the word "slave"?

Richard Nixon brought in the EPA. Al Gore sits on Apple Inc.'s Board of Directors. Don't judge a book by its glossy cover. 

If I'm spooked by a savage lack of veracity in one's discourse, am I consciously referring to a racial slur from World War II and using centuries-old European colonizers' language or am I simply saying: "That makes no sense."

I would stop using the term "first-world problem" except that would deny the fact that there is indeed a global class system, and I doubt that a poor African villager's worst problem is that Uber Eats is late with their Thai food delivery. It's a first-world problem. 

My spirit animal is the sloth. I can say that because I have Metis blood in my family, and I'm lazy.

Elvis Presley sang about the "ghetto" so I guess we should cancel him. Oh wait, he's already dead, and ghettos still exist.

Post Apocalyptic Diatribes of a Non-Politically Correct Nature

Sooo... There I was, a few months ago, internally dialoguing with my naïve self, saying: "Yeah, this crummy pandemic should be done soon and I'll be back at work." Oh Ye of little knowledge. As a yoga teacher, it has now sunk in that I won't be "back at work" anywhere near my pre-pandemic capacity for like, eternity. To say I've been "watching" Netflix and Prime is like saying an alcoholic had one drink. I've been gorging on television like a starving Hollywood starlet set free in a Krispy Kreme donut shop. 

In the meantime, the world has turned from total shit to "I think it might be better to be dead". Disease, riots, Trump, the fall of Hong Kong to Chinese rule, Putin's Poison Patrol and the left's adept answer to all this: the Politically Correct Gestapo. I've always considered myself to be a left-leaning Liberal but lately, I'm embarrassed to admit I have any "left" leanings at all. There has been a groundswell of rabid woke folk who somehow have deemed themselves of the purest moral fabric and pronounce their judgements on all others who do not comply with their wokeful edicts.

One is no longer allowed to have a differing opinion or ask difficult questions when it comes to issues of race, gender, sexual harassment, climate, or any other classically left-leaning subject. Take for example, climate change. The PC Gestapo claims that carbon is enemy numero uno and we must focus on reducing our carbon emissions at all costs because THIS IS THE ONLY PROBLEM THAT EXISTS AND DON'T ANYONE DARE QUESTION IT. I choose to question it. I'm not a climate denier. I've loved the environment, recycled and hugged trees for as long as I can remember. But no one seems to be talking about the issue of plastics pollution which may kill us before carbon does, or the sustained availability of potable water, which we literally can't live without or, gee, pandemic preparedness BEFORE a pandemic hits.

There is scientific research (and researchers) stating that yes, the climate does change but we humans have little to do with it. Don't believe me? Feel free to read this; this; this, this and this. I simply feel that it's ok for me to not believe everything I'm told and to do a little research of my own to understand the full breadth and complexity of important questions. Call me crazy but I think a rational, considered response to things seems to be the best route to follow instead of listening to a whiny teenage girl tell me I'm a bad person for merely having existed on this earth longer than she has. 

The PC Gestapo has also lost sight of differing degrees of actions when it comes to things like sexual harassment. The advent of the #metoo movement was an important development and dangerous predators were stopped. I fully agree that this was a good thing. But in the midst of this karmic wave, accusations are being thrown about like yesterday's dirty underwear and people like Al Franken are put in the same category as Harvey Weinstein. With this, I do disagree. Al Franken may have behaved badly, had a momentary lapse of reason, but he's not a predator, à la Jeffrey Epstein. Human behaviour is complex and nuanced. Good people do bad things and bad people do good things. The Left's insistence on categorizing human actions and words to fit into neat little black and white boxes is ridiculous and shows very little understanding of human nature. 

"Cancel culture" in which we essentially deny opinions we don't agree with and the "Twitter Mob" which, to my understanding, is a group of reactionary puritans with a lot of time on their hands whose mission it is to destroy the lives of those who dare to think independently, are both alive and well and thriving in our crisis-riddled, pandemic-plagued present. We don't know how to have a healthy, respectful debate anymore. We don't know how to talk to each other anymore. Hurling insults on social media is not debate, it's bullying of the most cowardly kind. 

When we discuss climate, my partner jokingly refers to me as a right-wing Republican when I start questioning the current climate zeitgeist. I know it's meant in jest, and I laugh because it's funny and I still have a sense of humour, but it is indicative of our current need to categorize and pick sides. Why can't I stand in the middle and share my popcorn with everyone? Oh right, because there's a PANDEMIC.

Pre-Apocalyptic Musings of Post-Democratic Proportions

So... the biggest problem I had on New Year's Day 2020 was the prospect of Friends disappearing from Netflix. Oh Universe, you have a dark sense of humour. Turns out Friends is still on Netflix but the Apocalypse is nigh which would make Friends being on Netflix a moot point. COVID-19 is basically creating a new reality most of us have never experienced: thinking of others before ourselves. This may require actions we are not inclined to do: cancelling travel and cool shit you were going to do (think of all those lost opportunities to post your awesome picks on social media - you'll need to find alternate means to sate your hunger for attention and validation); staying at home (for an introvert like me, it's like winning the lottery); keeping your outings to essential trips only (pretty much what daily life used to be like for me - who's laughing now extrovert bitches).

It's hard to complain about a forced vacation where I can catch up on all sorts of shit I usually wouldn't have time to do; boredom is not a problem I foresee encountering. Sure, the economy is turning to shit, my investments may be evaporating before my eyes and I have no gainful employment at the moment, seeing as teaching yoga in person is currently considered a biohazard. But I get to sleep in every morning, eat corn dogs and chips without guilt (I consider these emotional support foods since my emotional support animal has her own preoccupations at the moment, like my partner and I being home all the time, disrupting her daily napping routine).

If I don't watch the news too much, I can keep my stress levels at a manageable level. If I start binge watching CBC News Network and CNN, I usually find myself curled up in a ball, rocking myself gently, self-soothing to the dulcet tones of Kenny G., and that's on a good day. But hey, I can't really complain. There are folks out there working their asses off so the rest of us losers can stay home and not spread this virus: front-line medical staff; grocery and pharmacy staff; truck drivers. The supply chain is relatively intact, and if it weren't for a few freaks stocking up on toilet paper (WTF?), we may not have felt much of a disruption at all.

My mother actually made an interesting remark regarding all this pandemonium - she said that maybe it was time we were shaken up since our respective societies are rotting from self-interest, corruption, greed and a lust for ever-expanding growth. Sometimes, we need the shit kicked out of us; a pressing of the "reset" button, if you will, to perhaps reframe how we live, how we treat others and the planet, how corporations are basically running the world and we need to address this. But will anything change once this pandemic has passed? I doubt it. We're creatures of habit. We've normalized the moronic and deceitful words of despots; we've turned a blind eye to the murder of a journalist by a brutal regime because, hey, it would mean breaking a contract worth billions.

Kenny G.'s not sounding so bad right now, is he? I want to believe that the human race learns from its mistakes but with the advent of an era of stupid and mean (Trump, Johnson, Putin, Jinping, Bolsonaro, etc...), we seem to be stepping backwards towards intolerance, ignorance and totalitarianism. At the time of writing this, there are still some spring-breakers in Georgia who refuse to cut short their vacation because "you know, we've always lived with viruses, what's the big deal"? With this specter of sheer idiocy, being forced to stay at home and not deal with people seems like a blessing.

Think of it this way: we were already living Armageddon before COVID-19, it was just happening in small increments. So maybe buy a couple extra bags of Miss Vickie's (why not try a new flavour?), pour yourself a glass of your favourite numbing alcohol, spark up Netflix, and ponder how to save the world once you're out of quarantine.
 

Generation X Sobriety Triggered Non-Offensiveness

So yeah... it's been a while since I've posted here, and I can't guarantee I'll be writing with any regularity but I'd like to try (first New Year's resolution that will probably be broken). The boyfriend and I are going to try something called "Dry January" meaning no drinking in January which I foolishly agreed to. Not that I'm a heavy drinker (most weekends and the occasional weeknight include wine, and/or a beer, and/or a snifter of some yummy liqueur with egg nog) but going dry, that's big. I also agreed to this before I found out that Friends would no longer be available on Netflix as of TODAY, to which I say, WTF Netflix? and why did I agree to toss my liquid crutch out the window at such a vulnerable time?

You see, Friends is like a safety blanket, something I could turn to when people piss me off (which is pretty much always), when I feel unmotivated and just want to procrastinate and not move forward with my life or when I yearn for some wholesome, family entertainment. Now what? I thought the blow would be softened with The Office remaining on Netflix, but, as I found out, that's disappearing as well in 2021. Again, I say, WTF Netflix? If alcohol is bad for you, how are we expected to quit when our emotional support shows are yanked off our streaming service?

Wine: nothing but a fond memory now.

You'd think being a yoga teacher and all, I would have learned how to cope without alcohol, but, as I say to no one anyone who asks: "It's a process, and I haven't evolved past the fetus stage yet, in spiritual terms". Being a Gen X'er and a yoga teacher is kind of an oxymoron, isn't it? None of that soft, mushy "safe space, respect my triggers" Millenial marshmallow soup tainted our generation. No, we were the "stick it to the Man, grunge music-listening, apathetic, everyone sucks, I don't care if you're offended" generation who also may have invented the Internet, so go figure.

I mean, I love what I do, but I also understand why we're mercilessly ridiculed in mainstream media, and I haven't completely sloughed off my Gen X'er cynicism and hard edge. I mourn the loss of our sense of humour, and the pendulum swinging way too far in the direction of political correctness, with what I call the "PC Gestapo" monitoring every word said, typed, tweeted and shared for potential "offensiveness". To which I say: learn how to be offended. Not everyone will share your views, and multiple truths can co-exist at the same time. Also, humour is one of the most effective tools at pointing out things like racism, sexism, bullying, harassment and discrimination through the use of jokes, sarcasm and ridicule.

I think people are so easily offended because, with the advent of social media, everyone thinks their opinion matters. Newsflash: it doesn't. The world doesn't need our opinions to move forward. What the world needs is for us to read books, stay informed, be actively engaged in our communities, and learn how to gracefully accept someone else's differing view even if we're feeling "triggered". Also, maybe we could re-learn in-person communication, you know, how to talk to an actual human being sitting in front of us. Whoa! What a concept. I'm hopeful that social media will eventually lead us to a "back-to-basics" movement of actually talking to and listening to each other, once we get sick of the endless comment wars, attention seeking and cowardly bullying (yeah, it's easy online, but try saying that to someone's face).

No amount of online attention can replace authentic human connections, and this is coming from a Gen X'er who generally hates people. So you can imagine the desperation I'm beginning to feel if I'm encouraging touchy-feely "let's talk" shit. Sobriety is making me soft.

Happy F*cking New Year.

Ottawa Yoga Teacher Profile - Janice Tokaryk

Back in 06/07, I used to start my Saturday mornings off with Janice's Ashtanga class at Santosha Westboro on Richmond Rd. When I started my Ashtanga practice, I was sweating like I'd been in a heated room and usually needed a two-hour nap following class to recover. I loved the discipline and simplicity of Ashtanga, simplicity not to be confused with ease - it was a challenging practice, one we see much less of on the Ottawa yoga scene today. It was the original "flow" practice: no frills, no music - just you, your breath and your body.

Janice was the teacher who, after weeks of practicing my headstand with the help of a wall, ever so casually walked by me in class one day and said, without any kind of aggression or force, "You're ready." I knew exactly what she meant. I stepped away from the wall. And did my very first unassisted headstand successfully. I was indeed ready but I didn't know it or was too afraid to try. To me, that's the mark of a great teacher. Observant, kind and ready to gently push you forward past your fears and show you your true potential.

Luckily for the Ottawa yoga community, Janice is still teaching. What's important to her? She loves teaching at different places and helping students of different capabilities, levels and needs, whether they are a beginner, intermediate or advanced yogi. She derives great satisfaction as a teacher and in watching students progress. She's also a lead trainer for Adi Shesha Yoga Zone's 200-hour Hatha Yoga teacher training courses, along with Basia Going, and has been for about 10 years. She finds this facet of her teaching extremely rewarding.

As a teacher, she feels what's most important is being who you are and sharing what you have to offer. Her first love was Ashtanga Yoga and her classes are Ashtanga-based so they tend to be more on the strong side. That being said, she also likes meditation and incorporates this aspect into her workshops. She started taking yoga classes at the age of 16, and according to her mother, had a fascination with India as a young child. Janice has been practicing for about 25 years and teaching for 20 years.

Her first teacher training was an intensive with Bryan Kest in California. She then studied with David Swenson and completed five teacher trainings with Richard Freeman so it goes without saying that her classes are heavily influenced by Freeman's approach to yoga.

As mentioned in previous profiles, I'm asking my interviewees how they feel the Ottawa yoga scene has changed over the last decade. In Janice's view, there are more studios opening up but she's not sure what we're currently teaching is yoga. She suspects we're a little too busy "entertaining" our students with marketing gimmicks and music. Are we yoga teachers or entertainers? Are we stripping yoga of its rituals and discipline to appeal to a mass market? Just as the introduction of the 24-hour news cycle blurred the lines between news and entertainment, are we blurring the lines between this ancient science we call yoga and a perceived need to coddle or impress our students?

A traditional yoga practice is now viewed as something foreign or "un-hip" and a certain depth of knowledge is quickly eroding. There is more "copying" than experiencing and learning. What have we given up in the name of yoga's newfound popularity?

After my conversation with Janice, I felt compelled to re-examine my own approach to teaching, and for the past few months, I've adopted a "back to basics" attitude, reintroducing certain key aspects of a traditional yoga practice in my classes. What have I learned so far? We underestimate our students when we pander to them, and we do them a disservice by withholding certain teachings and techniques for fear of not appearing "trendy". Thank you, Janice, for teaching me some very important lessons off the mat.

I certainly consider Janice a senior teacher in the Ottawa yoga community and anyone looking for a truly authentic and knowledgeable approach to yoga will find it with her. Janice teaches two weekly classes at Adi Shesha Yoga Zone (99 Fourth Ave. in the Glebe) - Wednesdays and Fridays: 10-11:30 am, and at her own home studio (17 O'Meara St. in Hintonburg). Classes at her studio are set up in sessions of two or three months and pre-registration is required. She also offers workshops at her studio and pre-registration is also required for these. You can find more info on her website and you can also find her on Facebook and Twitter: @yogajstudio.

Ottawa Yoga Teacher Profile - Joa Keur

I first stepped into one of Joa's classes many moons ago when he was teaching at the Rama Lotus Yoga Centre. What I experienced was part yoga, dance party, empowerment patterning and quite possibly, one of the most profound spiritual revelations I've ever had. When I left, I wasn't quite sure what had happened, but I knew it was good. It was exactly what I needed at the time, although it didn't quite arrive in the package I expected.

Taking a yoga class with Joa is guaranteed to be a unique experience. You'll probably have to step out of your comfort zone, but isn't that why we do yoga? To move past stagnation, blockage and rigidity to fully inhabit ourselves? Spend some time in Joa's classes, and you'll find where your self-imposed limitations lie. Joa's warm personality and truly authentic way of being are the perfect counter-balance and support for self-exploration that may feel a little uncomfortable or daunting at times.

Joa has been practicing yoga for 27 years and teaching for the past 14 years. For the past 7 years, he's been teaching at the PranaShanti Yoga Centre in Hintonburg. He started out doing yoga in a gym as a warm up to his weight training. Since then, he's completed training in Kundalini and Hatha Yoga, done four years of intensive Ashtanga Yoga practice, and done master classes in Yin and alignment-based practices. He also uses dance as his method of rejuvenation and mindful body transformation.

 

In his classes, you can expect to dive deep into asana, pranayama and drishti (postures, breath and point of focus), allowing you to tap into your own deep resonance, stacking your bones, engaging your muscles for strength, but also for deep release. You'll learn how to use your breath in a variety of ways to be able to relax, and utilize it to flow into and out of various postures. You'll also learn about your core and the importance of its engagement in your practice, and about alignment, what it is and how to find a proper alignment that works for your body, so you're not forcing yourself into contortions that don't work for you and turn you off.

One of the most memorable features of Joa's classes is his Savasana, when you're treated to a complete immersion in a healing "sound bath lullaby", as Joa puts it, so you can take the time to integrate the practice, relax, let go, and dream of good things to come. Or, you may have, as I once did, a spontaneous spiritual revelation about your true nature. Even though my rational mind quickly snapped shut like an angry clam after the experience, I've never forgotten it, or its significance, and it may take me the remainder of this lifetime, and quite possibly many more, to fully integrate the truth of that revelation. Joa continues to explore the healing power of sound and so far, has had a very positive response.

Joa's classes are a safe space for people of different cultures, religions, spiritual beliefs and for the LGBTQ community to feel respected and treated with unconditional love. He teaches a weekly volunteer class (sponsored by the AIDS Committee of Ottawa) at the Centretown Health Community Centre for the LGBTQ community.

Joa is also a gifted painter and photographer. My partner and I have two of his paintings in our home. He's recently finished two new pieces that took 8 years to complete, and continues to explore photography of various flowers.

One of Joa's paintings hangs over the fireplace mantel in our living room.

When I asked Joa how he feels yoga has changed over the past decade, he stated that students seem to be wanting more now than just an asana practice, that the superficiality of asana only is starting to fade as a hunger for something deeper and more meaningful emerges.

Joa wants his students to know that, although he's a teacher, he continues to be a student as well, constantly learning and continuing to expand his knowledge of the practice. He takes it seriously but also likes to be light in his approach to it. Perfectionism is dangerous and futile. You have to be able to laugh at yourself too. I couldn't agree more.

Joa teaches weekly classes at PranaShanti Yoga Centre (52 Armstrong St., Ottawa, ON) on Mondays and Wednesdays: 7:30-9:00 pm and on Saturdays: 3:30-5:00 pm. This fall and winter, Joa's classes will be focusing on the Yamas and Niyamas contained in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, so if you'd like to integrate yogic philosophy and asana practice, now's your chance!

You can also find Joa on Facebook (Joa Keur) and on Instagram @joakeur.

 

Lost Burberry playlist traffic meltdown

I recently suffered an unexpected break up. It felt like I had lost a limb, it was so sudden... I ran to catch the bus one afternoon, and the next thing I knew, they were gone. My Burberry sunglasses had slipped out of my pocket, and probably landed somewhere along the sidewalk. By the time I noticed, it was too late.

We'd been together for almost a decade, through much sunny weather, and those weirdly bright overcast days when wearing shades puts you in the category of annoying hipster trying too hard to be cool but you don't care because squinting causes wrinkles, or so you've heard. 

My Burberrys had been incessantly dropped, scratched and even forgotten overnight in a yoga studio, but we were always reunited, until recently. I was like a lost puppy looking for its home, forced to wear my cheap aviator knock-off "back-up" pair of shades. I've morphed from classy Audrey Hepburn look-alike to trashy Abercrombie and Fitch walking advertisement (from the neck up only - I'm not a pre-pubescent tween girl after all).

Goodbye super cool awesome shades. I'll never look this good again.

Prior to this trauma, I had a full-blown technology-related breakdown at that ill-fated bus stop (I'm beginning to think it's cursed). I had recently been trying to free up memory on my ancient iPhone 6, when I came across a suggestion online that said all I had to do was sign out of my Apple ID account and then sign back in. So I did that. And it worked. And I was elated. Until I got to that damned bus stop on my way to teach a yoga class and pulled up my playlists to pick one out for my upcoming class.

OH MY F*CKING GOD WHERE ARE ALL MY PLAYLISTS!!!! They had disappeared. I spend more time on my class playlists than on personal hygiene so I completely lost my shit. Once I managed to somewhat compose myself, I figured there must be a way to fix this. So I went to Settings, then to Music, and realized that my little sign out / sign in trick had turned off "show playlists on all devices". So I turned it back on. My playlists came back, and I wallowed in shame at my total and complete slavery to technology.

Following my Apple aneurysm at said cursed bus stop, the bus arrives, I get on, and then quickly realize we're stuck in an unusual traffic jam. I have less than an hour to get to the yoga studio, where I'm expected to be teaching a class. It's rush hour and I realize the situation is reaching a critical point so I get up and go ask the bus driver if there's any chance we'll be across town in about 20 minutes. His look said it all: "Not a chance in hell." We're still fairly close to my house, where the car is sitting in the garage. I have a decision to make. I get off the bus, run to my house, cursing all the way there, jump in my car and pray there's no traffic on my secret "back route" which usually takes at least 20-30 minutes. I have about 20 left, and I'm desperately trying not to behave like a race car driver on crack.

Miraculously, I arrived at the studio three minutes before the start of my class, completely stressed and out of breath but I had my playlists, so life as I knew it could go on.