The death of TomKat. Who saw that one coming?

I'd love to say "I told you so"... and I will. I saw this coming from the start; from that weird, couch-jumping, fist-pumping spectacle on Oprah. Tom and Katie. It's been a "WTF?" since the very beginning. 

Numerous rumours swirled around these two and how, exactly, they got together. She auditioned and signed a contract to be Tom's 3rd wife. He's secretly gay and she's his front. I mean, who really knows?

But I can tell you what I do know, here and here.

Oh yes, I've followed TomKat throughout their courtship, breeding and subsequent marriage. I wonder if Katie realizes that this divorce will mean the end of her acting career? Because, let's face it, anything she's gotten since hooking up with Tom was, well, because of Tom. 

Remember Katie in Christopher Nolan's first Batman movie? Of course not. No one does. Zero charisma. No talent, for acting anyway. Although, she did play the part of Tom's wife quite convincingly. I'll give her that. And she probably doesn't want her daughter brought up as a Scientologist and I support her in this. One less Scientologist in the world just makes the planet a slightly more sane place.

It's too bad Tom's kinda nuts. He's been around forever, in Hollywood years, and has had some memorable roles, ones I actually liked, for instance in Jerry Maguire and Tropic Thunder. But he's got the religious zeal thing going on, and that's a real turnoff.

Maybe their courtship started out as a publicity stunt since the unveiling of their peculiar relationship took place amidst openings for one of Tom's Mission Impossible movies and for Katie's Batman film. Not that she had any impact in that movie whatsoever but Tom certainly brought some attention to it by dating Katie at a most opportune time. 

It pains me to this day that Katie was cast alongside Christian Bale for Batman. Who does that? Doesn't Christian deserve better? Anyhoo...

I was a bit shocked, but not surprised, at the headline that TomKat were divorcing, and more so that Katie filed for divorce, and not Tom. I didn't think she had it in her since she's been acting like a lobotomized robot for the past five or six years. However, in the last few photos I've seen of them, Katie looked distraught, unhappy.

I guess being married to Tom Cruise ain't all it's cracked up to be.

Gorgeous babes are not immune to heartache

It's articles like this one that remind me that being a woman of average beauty will not ruin my life. Poor Halle. Married to an abuser, then divorced. Then married to a cheater and divorced again. Then shackin' up with a hot model, having a child, and now splitting up! 

Events like these always challenge my deeply-held, yet completely false, belief that beautiful people are always happy due to their generous portion of pulchritude. Although I hate to admit it, (or maybe I don't...) it makes an average girl like me feel pretty good about herself. It just goes to show that our societal beliefs are complete bullshit. Money, fame, success, beauty. These things can be fun but they aren't necessary precursors for happiness or inner peace. 

I'm beginning to think us regular schmucks have the better deal what with all the celebrity scandals and break-ups. Not that these things don't happen to us. They do, just not under the intense scrutiny of the public eye. When it happens to celebrities, it proves, yet again, that our lust for wealth, fame and beauty as a path to happiness is deeply flawed.  

Sometimes it gives me great joy to read about celebs entangled in embarrassing or sad foibles but I like Halle, despite Catwoman, and this makes me sad for her. Of course, the day that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes break up, I will be leaping for joy as I will no longer be subjected to Katie's pathetic attempts at acting, singing, dancing, and fashion designing. 

Remember this white pantsuit nightmare?

Evil trolls have run amuck... we must stop them!

After reading this, I am convinced that evil, mobile home dwelling, soap opera watching, cheap beer guzzling trolls are in charge. That someone, somewhere thought it would be a good idea for Katie Holmes to portray Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis in a mini-series is more than a little disturbing.

As I stumbled upon this bit of news, my face immediately contorted into an agonized cry. It's almost as bad as naming Sarah Palin one of the world's 100 most influential people - unless they're basing that decision on Sarah having inspired Tina Fey's highly influential impersonation of her and the subsequent snickering and derision toward this Alaskan eyesore. But I digress.

Obviously, I'm underestimating how much influence Mr. Cruise wields in Hollywood. I cannot conceive that this would have happened without him. Damn you Tom! Your wife cannot act! She has about as much charisma as a gnat. And this is who will play one of the most recognized historical figures of the 20th Century? Why are you defiling Jackie this way? It's not right!

Maybe I'll start a Facebook group: "Ban Katie Holmes from portraying Jackie Kennedy Onassis. She can't act fo' shit!" It'll be huge. I can tell. 

On another note, also heinously grievous, was the mention in said article of Greg Kinnear appearing in The Last Song with Miley Cyrus. I like Greg Kinnear. I like him a little less now. WTF? Greg's career is not at the stage where he needs to pimp himself out to a tedious Disney star-making vehicle. Greg, you're better than that and you know it.

Evil trolls... I'll get you.

Katie Holmes sanctifying her womb for second pregnancy

According to Page Six of the New York Post, Katie Holmes has been undergoing thorough Scientology-specific preparation before trying for a second pregnancy. To which I say: Huh? 

Apparently, the Church of Scienf*ckery also encourages a "silent birth", as in no screaming in pain when you're trying to push a watermelon through a garden hose. Please.

What exactly does this pre-pregnancy "auditing" consist of? According to Scientology, the "health and the sanity of the child begin long before birth". Is it really healthy and sane for a child to be born to two celebrities? (In this case, one legitimate, one not.) 

What kind of "sane" life includes being constantly followed and photographed by the paparazzi, having a mother who's deluded herself into thinking she can act and design clothes, and frankly, whose only claim to fame lately has been that she happens to be Mrs. Tom Cruise?

Since hooking up with Tom, Katie has been acting as if she was ordered to give up her free will upon agreeing to date him. What kind of example does that set? 

Why does she continue to design her own clothes when every new creation she comes up with is nothing short of heinous, an affront to tasteful fashion? 

Why was she allowed to deliver a cringe-worthy song and dance number on prime time television? Is the Tom bubble so thick that no one around her dares tell her she should maybe consider a career change? 

A child should not be born into an environment steeped in denial and delusions of grandeur, or in this case, borrowing from Weird Al Yankovic "delusions of adequacy". Has the Church of Scientology thought about that?

Katie's fashion guru? Her daughter.

On the best of days, People.com irritates me with its cutesy, glossed-over reporting of celebrity happenings. On bad days, it makes me want to gag. Today is a bad day. One of the articles appearing today is titled: Katie Holmes has a new fashion guru - Suri! Has anyone actually noticed Katie Holmes' fashion choices over the last few months?  Highly questionable. Rolled up jeans and big, bulky sweaters; some cream-colored pantsuit that was simply horrid, etc... Hopefully Suri has a better fashion sense than her mother.

Katie dresses like someone who is at least twenty years older than her. Does Suri approve of this? Of course, Katie probably doesn't wear anything Tom tells her not to wear. Back in the day, she looked her age. Sweet, young, vibrant. But let's face it, ever since she hooked up with Mr. Scientology, she's been in a downward spiral. She chopped off her hair and dresses like ass. All she can talk about is how "wonderful" her life is, how "wonderful" Tom is, how "wonderful" it is to be a mother. What the f*ck? Did those Scientologists suck out your brain too, along with your free will?

I'm not a fan of Katie Holmes. She should really consider a career other than acting because she sucks at it. She has no charisma, no presence. I look at her on-screen and all I see is empty space. I've seen her in a few movies, and she's royally sucked ass in every one of them. Note to Katie: marrying Tom Cruise will not miraculously bestow acting skills upon you. It will however make you a slave to a wacked out cult based on science fiction.

And that song and dance number on So You Think You Can Dance? Are you f*cking kidding me? The hype about her appearance on that show went on for weeks and for what? Suri could have done a better job. I was actually embarrassed for her, it was so bad.

Yet again, we must deal with the over-exposed, under-talented actress (I use the term "actress" loosely here). Why should we even care about Katie Holmes? My doormat is more interesting than her. I'm guessing it's because Tom Cruise tells us we should be fascinated by his little wifey. Because he wouldn't marry some talentless bimbette. Please. Tom couldn't handle being married to someone who is his equal, or God forbid, a little higher up on the food chain. Remember his gorgeous, talented, Oscar-winning ex-wife Nicole and ex-girlfriend Penelope? I rest my case.

As for Katie, maybe she should get into scrapbooking or something, and really settle into her role as Scientology slave and suburban housewife. She could give a whole new meaning to Desperate Housewives.