Betty White rocks it and Jessica Simpson shows potential

At 88 years old, Betty White has signed on to a full season of a new sitcom, titled "Hot". And she's scheduled to host Saturday Night Live this spring. Holy f*ck, this woman is awesome! I loved her in Golden Girls. And no, I don't feel the need to explain why I watched Golden Girls in the first place. (It was the '80s. It's what we did. We watched lame ass sitcoms. ) 

However, this doesn't negate the fact that the cast of this sappy sitcom was da' bomb. Bea Arthur, Betty White, Rue McClanahan and Estelle Getty. These bitches had it goin' on. Kudos to Betty for kickin' it in 2010 at 88. I love this woman.

On another note, Simpleminded Simpson has impressed me. Bet you had to read that twice. 

Jessica has a new reality show called The Price of Beauty with, much to my surprise, an interesting premise. She travels around the world to find out what other cultures consider beautiful. This is interesting. This may shed some light on a topic that affects women around the world. A huge departure from her Newlyweds days. 

Of course, there were some classic Simpleminded Simpson moments in the season premiere when she and her posse visited Thailand, like when she gagged in the middle of a public market after trying some fried worm, and caught a case of the giggles while meditating with a Buddhist monk. Oh Jessica, I don't know if this makes you more endearing or more pathetic. 

Either way, kudos to you for a show that may actually have potential.

Jessica with her posse (Ken Paves and Cacee Cobb)

Cacee? Who spells their name this way? Is it pronounced Kay-see"? Cacee? Sounds like Say-See. Except the "C" is probably meant to sound like a "K". It's very confusing. But I digress...

Defiling Oscar

On occasion, there are statements that are so preposterous, so improbable, they leave me in a state of disbelief, such as this one uttered by Jessica Simpson, in a recent interview with Allure magazine: "I will never do nudity... I don't care if I frickin' could get an Oscar for it, I'm not going to do it." 

Do you see what's wrong with this statement? Jessica Simpson and Oscar are two mutually exclusive things. They can never be thought of as going together, ever. EVER. 

Is Jessica so delusional as to think she has anywhere near the amount of talent it takes to win an Oscar? Bitch, please. As my boyfriend so aptly put it, the only reason anyone is remotely interested in Jessica is because of her physical endowments. The truth is, she ain't got much else to offer. 

Jessica is a faux celebrity, a fame whore. She has no discernible talent, and obviously lacks intellect. Her forays into acting so far have failed miserably because she can't act. Big mystery there. The only train Jessica's riding on is her good looks. Her dumb ass comments are only  entertaining because they're so freakin' moronic. 

Jessica also dated John Mayer, king of douchebaggery. Frankly, anyone who dates John Mayer is an idiot. Yes, that means you Jen. And you dated him after he dated Simpleminded Simpson. Was it not obvious? Hang your head in shame, girl! 

Jessica also claims the following: " I don't think people deserve to see what's under my clothing. That's only for my next husband--ha-ha-ha." Funny considering her latest claim to fame is having been douchebag's "sexual napalm".

Is there such a lack of interesting people out there that magazines have to resort to featuring vapid, pulchritudinous plebeians?

Pumpkin Picking Pulchritudinous Over Perspicacious

It's the Twilight Zone of celeb gossip. Apparently, Jessica Simpson and Billy Corgan, of Smashing Pumpkins fame, are now an item, as in a couple. Huh? This makes no sense to me. My brain cannot compute. Ditzy, dumbass, talent-lacking blond dating hard-core, probably intelligent, alt-rocker. No, this cannot be. Only in some strange, parallel universe would this even be possible.

Perhaps Billy is conducting some kind of social experiment, an anthropological study on the effects of dating fame whoring idiots. Maybe he needs new material from which to write angry songs. I refuse to believe that these two have anything remotely in common. And poor Jessica will have her heart broken, once again. First Nick, then John, then Tony, then Daisy. Oh Jessica, this will only lead to disaster. Date someone who is at least as vacuous as you are. Then you might actually have a chance at real happiness.

How on earth will Billy introduce Jessica to his alt-rock buds with a straight face? I mean, come on. This liaison has about as much chance of working out as Lindsay Lohan has of making a comeback. Billy, please don't give yourself over to the dark side, unless it's an undercover gig with a greater purpose. You're still a respected artist. Do you really want to be the next schmuck who is dating Jessica Simpson?

This is what you two would look like, if you were pumpkins. Guess which one is Jessica.