Delinquent no longer. Well, for now, I guess.

So, yeah. I've been a delinquent blogger. So much so that I almost forgot my password when logging in. What can I say, I've been distracted by Miley Cyrus licking tools (or Robin Thicke, with her ass). Apparently, where Miley directs her crotch is more important than where the US directs its diplomatic policy regarding Syria.

Is it just me or is Honey Boo Boo getting fat? I mean, sure, it's her destiny in life, given her genetic predisposition to homeliness and fried chicken but didn't she get her start on Toddlers and Tiaras? Wasn't she a "beauty queen"?

Then again, most of the parents on that show are ticking time bombs, a lot of them former pageant contestants themselves. This begs the question: Does participation in beauty pageants predispose one to a healthy lifestyle given the emphasis on physical beauty? Apparently not.

We just finished watching the third season of The Walking Dead. Is it wrong that I was instantly attracted to the Governor, psychopath that he is? But then, I tell myself, he wasn't always a merciless killer. He had a family. He probably made sweet love to his wife and was a doting father. Then the wife up and dies and the daughter becomes a zombie so really, it's not his fault.

Then we watched some special features and found out the actor playing the Governor is like, British or something. That pretty much sealed the deal. Don't you have a boyfriend? you ask. Yes, I do. But when these things happen, I simply turn to him and say: He's my Halle Berry. We have an understanding.

I had minor surgery on my left knee yesterday and I can't do a whole hell of a lot for about three weeks, until the stitches come out. So, I've decided to take up drinking as an activity instead of simply a diversion from my deep-seated feelings of worthlessness and crippling self-doubt. 

I downloaded the new iOS 7 update onto my iPhone yesterday. Just saying that makes me feel like one of the cool kids, like I belong. In actuality, it's probably akin to a Borg chip being implanted in my brain. Resistance is futile.

Perez > Miley

On the best of days, I do not like Miley Cyrus. On the worst of days, I wanna cut the bitch. Today would be one of the latter. There's big controversy whirling around celebrity gossip blogger Perez Hilton since he posted a  link on his Twitter account to an up-skirt shot of Miley which may or may not display her lady bits. Now, advertisers are pulling their business from his site because of outraged customers, and Perez may be in legal trouble as the photo might fall under child pornography since she's under 18. 

To which I say: what a crock of shit. In his first interview on the subject, Perez hits the nail on the head. Here's an excerpt from an article on Popeater: 

"I didn't pick it for her to look like she wasn't wearing underwear. The point of me choosing that one photo is because it was showing Miley getting out of the car in an unladylike fashion. And I just thought that was funny and in keeping with her shocking behavior of late, because she was very well aware that she was in a public place at a -- at a video shoot and that there were paparazzi present."

Notice the highlighted text. I'm assuming those who are "outraged" by the whole incident are God-fearing, bible-thumping, crazy right-wing Christians who secretly hump farm animals. Any reasonable person can see that Miley is a big 'ol ho. That's right. Don't give me this "she's just 17" bullshit. For more on her skanky behaviour, click here. 

When did underwear go out of fashion? 'Cause I didn't get the memo. If you're climbing out of a car, in a skirt, surrounded by paparrazzi, wear some f*cking underpants! Is that too much to ask? This girl Miley, she'll never get past her white trash lineage. 

I read Perez Hilton's blog and it's awesome. I don't know him personally but I think I can say with a certain amount of confidence that he does not push child pornography nor does he have any interest in doing so. He called Miley on her shit, and kudos to him for having the balls to do it. 

 You rock dude. Keep your chin up.

Miley Cyrus prepping for future career in adult entertainment

Sometimes, it's like I have a crystal ball and can see into the future. See this post from a few months ago, and then this one. Oh Miley, you're only seventeen but already practicing your stripper moves on a gay 44-year-old producer. Let's face it, you can take the girl out of the trailer park but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl. Just like her mullet-sporting daddy back in his "achy-breaky" days. 

First, pole-dancing at an awards show, now grinding up against someone who's easily old enough to be her daddy. Maybe she calls him that too... you know, like he says: "Who's your daddy?" and she responds: "You are." Ick... 

The fact that said producer is gay does not make this any less disturbing. She's 17! And she was 16 at the time of their dry hump party. Technically, still a child, not quite an adult just yet. The close-up of their grind fest in the TMZ video is most disturbing. A 44-year-old male rubbing his cock up against a 16-year-old's behind is just wrong.

I'm beginning to think the gay thing is just a cover. Adam (pervy producer man) seemed to be enjoying their "dancing" a little too much. If he is in fact gay, that still doesn't justify molesting a minor in public. 

Dirty dancing certainly has its place, like in clubs, where it's assumed all those given permission to enter are at least of legal drinking age. I'm not naïve enough to believe there are no under-agers in bars but when you lie to get into an unsupervised, booze-infested adult playground, you takes your chances, and that's your problem.

But at a movie wrap party? With young children in attendance? It reeks of unrefined, trailer trash behavior. People who were raised by wolves act this way. Do wolves have a penchant for mullets? Just askin'... 

Mark my words... Miley will be doing this in a few years,

only naked and without a microphone.

Miley Cyrus voted worst celebrity influence of 2009

This just confirms my initial suspicions and prediction of Miley Cyrus' future profession. Miley was voted the worst celebrity influence of 2009 in an online poll, ahead of Kanye West and Britney Spears. Damn, that makes you a bad, bad girl Miss Miley. Pole dancing at an awards show can really sink your reputation. You know what Miley's becoming? A slunt. What's a slunt, you ask? It's a combination of slut and, can you guess? If you can't, think about it for a minute. It'll hit you soon enough. This word comes from an episode of One Tree Hill. I f*cking love it. It just rolls off the tongue with such ease. Slunt. Say it a few times. You'll start to love it just as much as I do. And I bet you can think of at least one person you know who fits into this category.

Some say Miley is trying to shift from being a pukey, Disney-fied child star to an adult performer. Oh, she's becoming an adult performer all right. And her daddy, Billy Rae thinks it's great! Click here for more on that. Artistic expression my ass. Sex sells. The Cyrus family knows this. Have you seen photos of Miley's little sis in her Halloween costume? Click here. Disturbing? Yes. A la JonBenet Ramsay? Yes. I'm not saying Miley Junior will turn up dead but she has that eerie pre-pubescent beauty pageant thing going on. This can only lead to no good. 

Hopefully, Miley's star is starting to burn out and she will slowly disappear from our collective consciousness to some strip club in Vegas. This will be a gift to humanity, and to horny, drunken men.

Miley Cyrus - dumbass doormat?

Apparently, Miley Cyrus has sent her last Tweet. Why, you ask? Because her new boyfriend doesn't have a Twitter account and doesn't want her to have one either. To which I say: excuse me? Miley Cyrus, role model to millions of young girls (I shudder at the very thought) letting her boyfriend be the boss of her? Now that's a good message to be sending out. If your boyfriend doesn't like it, and he tells you to stop, you should stop. 

Being a reasonable person, my opinion would differ if her boyfriend objected to, let's say, a crack addiction or her pole dancing at award shows. Save the skanky moves for your early twenties, when you'll actually be working as a stripper. But I digress. If that were the case, then I could see the boyfriend's point. But Tweeting? Please. Her fans are already outraged and rallying for her to come back to Twitter.

Miley, don't be an idiot. Show some backbone. This is your chance to prove that you actually have a personality that isn't Disney-manufactured. Tell this f*ck wad he can shove it where the sun don't shine and your fingers will continue to dance on that keyboard and Tweet to their heart's content. 

Face it Miley, you're nothing without the fans. Don't disappoint them. At least not until your career as an adult entertainer takes off.