Putrid Pulp

I was recently perusing the latest issue of Us Weekly, when I came across two very disturbing tidbits. While reading a short article on the latest tribulations of the Gosselin family, I read this passage: "For her part, Kate will be promoting her third book, I just want you to know (out April 13), in the spring."

Um, her THIRD book? Who publishes Kate Gosselin? This hurts me. These faux-authors pretending to be writers. What can she possibly have to say? Here's the story of how I wasn't satisfied with my husband and twin girls, decided I wanted another baby, underwent all sorts of crazy fertilization treatments 'cause it wasn't happening naturally, ended up with six more mouths to feed, couldn't afford it so we put the family on TV to pay the bills.  Yeah, real inspirational. 

Her latest book should be titled: "How to not f*ck up like I did and end up being a shameless fame whore." Instead, they went with this whitewashed title: I just want you to know: Letters to my kids on love, faith and family. Puke.

Then, a few pages further, I stumble upon this: "Lauren Conrad, 24, topped the New York Times' bestseller list with her second novel, Sweet Little Lies, a follow-up to her first literary foray, L.A. Candy." WTF?

First of all, the word literary should not be used to describe anything "written" by Lauren Conrad. How about her first foray in publishing? That would be more suitable. 

Secondly, how on earth does this type of useless drivel become a bestseller? I'm all for quality pulp but Lauren's work hardly qualifies as anything pertaining to actual "writing". 

Thirdly, to become a bestseller, one assumes vast numbers of people are reading the work in question. Who is reading this? Who has so much time on their hands, they're willing to sacrifice a few precious hours to read the works of Lauren Conrad? 

This disturbs me greatly. 

While checking my e-mail this morning, I got one from Amazon.ca - a list of their picks of the 50 best books of the decade (2000-2009). Save yourself from heinous faux-literature by clicking here to view a list of books worthy of your free time.