Tattooed twat fame whoring and La Lohan busted for fashion failure

There I was mindin' my own business, trollin' around the gossipscape when I came across one of those articles where the first thing I think is: "Say it ain't so!". I cannot revel in the sensationalism because if it turns out to be true, it will make me very sad. 

You don't do this to my girl Sandy. It better be lies, all lies. Jesse James isn't that much of a douche, is he? I admit, I don't know much about him but Sandra speaks highly of him, and that was good enough for me. 

But what if it's true? Be still my heart. Who does that? And with some tattooed twat to boot. No, this cannot be. I'm waiting for a rebuttal, for Sandy and Jesse to sue. Say it ain't so Jess, say it ain't so...

On another note, surprise, surprise, La Lohan is no longer working for French fashion house Ungaro. No shit Sherlock. I coulda called that one months ago. Everything this girl touches turns to shit. She's gotta go underground for a long while, long enough for us to forget she's such a f*cking handitard if she has any chance of salvaging some semblance of a career in showbiz.

She claims "there's legal stuff going on" and "can't really discuss it". You mean they're suing your ass because you suck? Actually, Ungaro should be held just as responsible for La Lohan's spectacular failure in fashion. What the f*ck were they thinking? Hiring some skanky, cokehead has-been who considers herself "fashionable"? Please. 

Ungaro got what was coming to them for making such an absurd choice. How about hiring people with an actual background in fashion to collaborate with you? Don't assume that just because celebs wear it, they can design it. They can't. Most of them don't even pick out their own clothes. They have stylists. Duh. 

 Fail...