Yoda, are you leading me astray?

So, I have this poster of Yoda quotes. I was looking at it one day, pondering...

If you choose the quick and easy path... You will become an agent of evil. If you choose the quick and easy path, you'll have time for drinks.

Control, control. You must learn control. This directly conflicts with my Healing Power Hour quote: Give up your need for control. Who to trust? Yoda or New Age feel good pap? I'm torn.

Size matters not. Tell that to a fat person.

You must feel the force around you. All I feel is my general disdain for other people. Does that count?

Beware of the dark side. Anger...fear...aggression. If that were the case, we never would have evolved beyond cavemen and life would be devoid of any pleasure.

Luminous beings are we... Not this crude matter. Really? Has Yoda ever smelled a bad fart or had to light a match after a particularly pungent bowel movement?

You must unlearn what you have learned. / Mind what you have learned. Save you it can. WTF Yoda? Do I have to mind what I've unlearned? Is this some kind of Zen koan? You're f*ckin' me up, dude.

The dark side clouds everything. Impossible to see the future is. So... if I'm nice, does that mean I can see the future? 'Cause if that's the case, I might consider an attitude adjustment.

Named must your fear be before banish it you can. This only applies if you want to be a functional person. Bo-ring.

A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. Zzzzzzzzz....

Adventure. Heh! Excitement. Heh! A Jedi craves not these things. Wake me when being a Jedi sounds remotely interesting.