Say it ain't so Joe... (I don't know who Joe is, it's a saying, just roll with it)

There I was, innocently perusing the Huffington Post when I came across not one, but two harrowing headlines: 1) a photo of Family Guy characters with the heading: Ending Soon? and 2) '30 Rock' may end this season. In the words of Elaine Benes, from the infamous Seinfeld episode The Contest: "Okay, you tryin' to hurt me? You tryin' to hurt me? You're tryin' to injure me, right? You're tryin' to hurt me..."

Seth MacFarlane has mentioned that there would still be a Family Guy movie every few years  instead of a TV series, but still. What about those years in between movie releases? I get that TV shows have a certain shelf life, and some do pass their expiration date. However, I don't feel that Family Guy has reached that point. 

I was kinda hoping it would be like the Simpsons, seemingly lasting forever. I want to say I understand where Seth is coming from, since change is inevitable and we need to embrace it but if I'm truly honest... f*ck that shit! You can't take away my weekly dose of Family Guy! What will I DO? 

It's the only antidote to political correctness, right-leaning religious fanatics, impotent journalism, broken democracy and vapid entertainment. In other words, it's a necessity to true democratic discourse. It's an anthropological record of 21st Century social mores. Are those enough fancy words strung together to sound like a seriously pondered argument? Good. I have no idea what they mean but they sound intelligent. 

Like that wasn't enough trauma for one day, I find out 30 Rock may be nearing its conclusion. I worship at the altar of Tina Fey. The very thought that this show might end is inconceivable. Why can't it go on indefinitely? I know Tina's had another kid, and Alec Baldwin would like to pursue other projects but c'mon people, you can't leave us in the lurch. 

You can't shower us with your brilliance every week, then just walk away. That's cruel. I mean, if there were other prospects out there, 30 Rock's absence might not be such a frightening thought and, like a break-up, it's always easier when a rebound is lined up, you know? But it ain't a "great comedy" buffet out there, if you get my drift. Shows of this caliber are rare which is why we cling so obsessively to them.

If you're going to produce socially-relevant, jaw-droppingly clever, thigh-slapping, laughter-inducing material, you should resign yourself to the fact that you can never, ever quit.

If it would stop Heidi Montag, I would eat poo

There are some things so preposterous, I tend to simply not believe them. Like this. Heidi must be stopped. Someone needs to kidnap her and deflate her already overly-bulging bosom. I think she may be mildly retarded. There is no other explanation. 

And now Heidi's considering a trip to Europe to make her boobs and her reputation as a bad plastic surgery joke even bigger. Aren't there laws against this? Heidi should be charged with assault causing bodily harm - to herself.

On another note, the Parents Television Council, some "family-oriented" group is complaining about the latest Family Guy episode, its 150th, in which Brian eats Stewie's poo, licks his butt clean and, oh yeah, also eats Stewie's vomit. 

Personally, I thought it was one of the most brilliant episodes ever since Stewie and Brian are my favorite characters. Of course, this group doesn't mention Brian's initial reticence at having to eat Stewie's poo, and his sad look of defeat once it was all over. And it's not like Brian randomly ate poo. They were trapped in a bank vault. Would you want to endure the smell of poo if you didn't have to? He did it to spare both of them the stench of Stewie's bowel movement due to the uncertainty surrounding the length of their sojourn in the vault. 

There were also other great moments, like when they shared a bottle of scotch, pierced Stewie's ear and played with a handgun.

Of course it's offensive! Family Guy's brilliance lies in its ability to shock and dismay as well as entertain. If you don't like it, don't watch it. The members of these "family groups" are usually the worst offenders anyway. They're the ones having homosexual encounters in department store bathroom stalls or leading secret lives as online porn stars because they're so f*cking repressed. 

Don't judge. You never know. Someday you might have to eat poo too.

 Keep on rockin' in the free world!