No True Blood = Random musings

I'm all for Americans celebrating their great country but not when it messes with my True Blood viewing schedule. I was all pumped last night to watch a new episode at 9 pm, followed by Hung. But lo and behold, HBO was airing the three episodes we've already seen and Hung wasn't even on the schedule. 

Then it dawned on me. It's July 4th - a holiday in the US. Damn. I mean, good for my neighbours to the South but bad for us Canadians who rely on American networks for our TV fix. I was totally discombobulated and had to quickly put together a plan B. 

Luckily, my boyfriend found Family Guy and we watched a couple episodes instead of True Blood. I was reminded of Seth MacFarlane's genius and that of his writing team. F*ck that show is funny, and not an easy, obvious kind of funny. You've got to be paying attention. It's smart people funny, and it cushioned the blow of the absence of a new True Blood episode.

I was also impressed with Americans when I saw the results of a recent Popeater.com/The Insider survey in which Sandra Bullock was voted favorite American while Spencer Pratt and his lovely wife Heidi Montag were voted most embarrassing. This restored my faith in humanity, especially after finding out that a wax figure of Kim Kardashian would be making an appearance at Madame Tussauds. 

That it was generally acknowledged that Spencer and Heidi are a blight on our collective consciousness makes me think there are intelligent people out there. Some days I wonder. Today is not one of those days. For more on Heidi Montag and why Americans should be embarrassed by her, click here and here.

Us Canadians have enough to deal with what with those two complete idiots, Craig and Justin, appearing on the latest season of The Bachelorette. They brought shame to our land and should be punished accordingly - like having to perform lewd acts on trees while wearing a bear costume. Maybe I've been watching too much Family Guy...

Lost in Weeds

I SO called this in yesterday's post, and by "mildly retarded" I meant "mental disorder", obviously...

In other big news, Elizabeth Perkins is leaving Weeds after five seasons to pursue other projects. This saddens me greatly. What will Weeds be without Celia Hodes? (Spoiler alert!!) Granted, Conrad and Helia have been MIA for the last two seasons and the show has moved on, impressively, I might add.

But Celia? That hurts. How could Elizabeth want to leave this show? It kicks ass! I'm sure there's another story here just beneath the surface that we don't know about. You don't voluntarily leave a hit show unless you're David Caruso, and even he's learned his lesson, as proven by his long stint on CSI: Miami.

If you've never seen Weeds, you must. I'm giving you a homework assignment. Go rent the series, buy it, upload it, do whatever you have to do. There are currently five seasons, and they are all so f*cking AWESOME. Season Six is premiering this summer on Showtime.

I suspect brother-in-law Andy will be your favorite character, followed by Doug (played brilliantly by Kevin Nealon, a former SNL-er). I can't put into words how sublime Justin Kirk is as Andy. This guy, he's the shit. He was also amazing in Angels in America (you can rent that too... a little more serious, but good nonetheless). This is definitely an ensemble show, and they all rock it, but we always have favorites.

Weeds is quality TV, as opposed to crap TV. Don't get me wrong. I watch crap TV. I know that the new season of the Bachelorette kicks off on May 24, and I'm counting down the days. But luckily, I know the difference. I'm fully aware that crap TV is crap. I suspect the general populace does not make this distinction. This disturbs me. 

Watch Weeds. You'll thank me for it. 

Don't worry, this show won't let your brain go to pot.

If it would stop Heidi Montag, I would eat poo

There are some things so preposterous, I tend to simply not believe them. Like this. Heidi must be stopped. Someone needs to kidnap her and deflate her already overly-bulging bosom. I think she may be mildly retarded. There is no other explanation. 

And now Heidi's considering a trip to Europe to make her boobs and her reputation as a bad plastic surgery joke even bigger. Aren't there laws against this? Heidi should be charged with assault causing bodily harm - to herself.

On another note, the Parents Television Council, some "family-oriented" group is complaining about the latest Family Guy episode, its 150th, in which Brian eats Stewie's poo, licks his butt clean and, oh yeah, also eats Stewie's vomit. 

Personally, I thought it was one of the most brilliant episodes ever since Stewie and Brian are my favorite characters. Of course, this group doesn't mention Brian's initial reticence at having to eat Stewie's poo, and his sad look of defeat once it was all over. And it's not like Brian randomly ate poo. They were trapped in a bank vault. Would you want to endure the smell of poo if you didn't have to? He did it to spare both of them the stench of Stewie's bowel movement due to the uncertainty surrounding the length of their sojourn in the vault. 

There were also other great moments, like when they shared a bottle of scotch, pierced Stewie's ear and played with a handgun.

Of course it's offensive! Family Guy's brilliance lies in its ability to shock and dismay as well as entertain. If you don't like it, don't watch it. The members of these "family groups" are usually the worst offenders anyway. They're the ones having homosexual encounters in department store bathroom stalls or leading secret lives as online porn stars because they're so f*cking repressed. 

Don't judge. You never know. Someday you might have to eat poo too.

 Keep on rockin' in the free world!