Remember Sleepless in Seattle?

You know when it's been a while since you've seen a show you really love and then you watch it again, and it's even better than you remember? It's been months since we finished watching Season 4 of 30 Rock. We started Season 5 a couple days ago. "It was like coming home... only to no home I'd ever known... I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like... magic." Ok, that's a quote from Sleepless in Seattle. What? I get distracted sometimes. 

Needless to say, my unrequited love affair with Tina Fey was reignited after months of dormancy. This show, there are no words for how clever, funny and smart it is. Oh, I guess there are: clever, funny and smart. Heh.

I want Tina to adopt me. Sure, I'm a grown child, and it's not the same as getting an infant, blah, blah, blah... but I promise to behave. No attempted arson or dependence on prescription meds. Nope. Not this child. Just unadulterated adoration. 24/7.

On another note, I was completely shocked and dismayed upon hearing the news of Ali and Roberto's breakup. For those not familiar with the Bachelor franchise, you may be asking yourselves: Who the f*ck are Ali and Roberto? Well, Ali was The Bachelorette, after being a contestant on Jake Pavelka's season of The Bachelor and ditching the show because she had to get back to her job (puh-lease). She was on her way to being one of the final three! Actually, I blame her abrupt departure for the whole Jake and Vienna debacle. Stupid bitch.

Anyhoo, I guess she decided that "oh-so important" job wasn't really that meaningful because she returned as The Bachelorette with her very own bevy of men to choose from. And she did. She chose Roberto. And they seemed happy. I really thought they would make it. I had hopes and dreams. And now, they're completely dashed.

They just couldn't make it work. She felt his conservative values were clashing with her need for an active social life and career. They had different interests and began to drift apart. Imagine that. You spend six weeks or so in a completely artificial environment with someone and you think you know them. Then they go all "real" on your ass once you've been kicked out of the Bachelor mansion. Unf*ckingbelievable.

If I were into chicks...

Last summer, my boyfriend had the brilliant idea of listening to books on tape, or disc or whatever while we were on fairly long road trips. If you pick the right books, this is an excellent way to pass the time during a prolonged vehicular journey. We were recently on one of these aventures de la route and carefully chose our selection of audio books.

First up, Chelsea Handler's My Horizontal Life. As I'm sure you've guessed, it's about her sexual adventures, and there are lots and lots and lots of them. Unfortunately, Chelsea herself doesn't narrate the book but after a couple chapters, the actress who was seemed to adopt the same intonations as Chelsea and it was believable. 

When it comes to Chelsea Handler, it was love at first sight. The first time I saw her was in a YouTube video on a celebrity gossip site. She was interviewing Jenny McCarthy and they were dissing Paris Hilton. It was one of the funniest, most irreverent interviews I had ever seen. I was immediately smitten. Who is this Chelsea person and why haven't I heard of her? 

I then found out she had a TV program called Chelsea Lately which was a full half hour of irreverence. I liked this girl. She had attitude, was completely silly, and didn't seem to take herself too seriously. 

A few weeks ago, I got a full hour of Chelsea on Piers Morgan Tonight and the bewitching was complete. Not only was she funny, but this chick was smart as a whip too. Smart, hot and funny. If I were into chicks, I'd want to sleep with Chelsea. But I'd want to marry Tina....

Which brings me to our second audio book, Tina Fey's Bossypants. I don't even know where to start. It was so f*cking good. Funny, sweet, heart-warming, clever, intelligent. This woman, I love her. She touches on various topics from her childhood to Saturday Night Live to 30 Rock to motherhood with her unique gift of being so goddamn entertaining. 

Tina herself narrates the audio book which makes it that much sweeter. It's like having a conversation with her, albeit one way only, but still. It's like she was in our car, regaling us with her many captivating tales. Wow... that sounds really corny, but I can't help myself. When it comes to Tina, I gush. I think if I ever met her in person, I might pee my pants. But I'm willing to chance it since our destiny is to be BFFLs (said the crazy, obsessed fan).

I'm not really obsessed but Tina and I are destined to be soul sisters. Just sayin'.

My girl crush ignites once again

Oh Tina. Last night, I was reminded of your brilliance. We hadn't watched 30 Rock in almost a year, since we only watch it on DVD. The fourth season was sitting there, by the TV, still in its shiny, plastic wrapping. After about an hour spent perusing the movies available on our On Demand service, and deciding that we had no desire to watch any of them, I said" "Hey, we've got Season 4 of 30 Rock!".

So I tore off the plastic, and plunked the first disc into our DVD player. And then all we had to do was sit back and enjoy. Damn, that show is good. It's better than good. It's so freakin' clever. Even after three seasons, it still astounds me how talented and funny and smart Tina Fey is. Yeah, I have a girl crush. Someday, we'll be BFFLs. I just know it. 

I'll probably meet Tina at my first Broadway opening. I'm guessing it'll go something like this:

Tina: I loved your show.

Me: OMG! Tina Fey! I'm like, you're biggest fan!

Tina: Ahh, that's so sweet.

Me: I've seen all the 30 Rock seasons, and Date Night, and Baby Momma. You are like, so awesome!

Tina: Thanks, that's really nice.

Me: I've always known we were meant to be BFFLs.

Tina: BFFLs?

Me: Best friends for life. It's our destiny.

Tina: Right. Umm, it was very nice meeting you. Good luck with the show.

Me: Listen, we should totally do lunch. I'm sure we'll have tons to talk about.

Tina: Yeah, I have to go. I'm sure I'll see you around.

Me: Why don't we schedule it now, you know, since we're both here.

Tina: I'm really not sure when I'm available. I'll need to ask my assistant.

Me: Oh, ok. Well, let's have a drink now! We should totally work on a project together, you know, as co-writers, especially since we're like, soul sisters.

Tina: That.... would be.... interesting. 

Me: Wouldn't it! I know! It's like we were destined to work together!

Tina: Sure... Listen, I have to go. 

Me: Oh, right. You probably have an early morning tomorrow.

Tina: Exactly. Early morning. You know how it is.

Me: I do, Tina, I do.

Tina: Ok... then... you'll have to let go of my arm.

Me: OMG! Am I holding your arm? I didn't even notice!

Tina: That's ok, I did.

Me: Right. Hey, what's your number? I'll put it in my phone.

Tina: Do you have a business card?

Me: Of course! Here you go. All my numbers are on there.

Tina: Great! Thanks. See ya.

Me: See ya! Call me! It's destiny!

(Tina hastily exits and calls the police.)

Kathy Griffin: you're "A" list in my book

During our adventures in New England, my boyfriend and I drove, like, a gazillion kilometers (that's a bazillion miles, for my American readers). Obviously, we had to find interesting things to do to pass the time in the car. 

My boyfriend had this excellent idea of purchasing audio books and listening to them during long stretches on the highway. I thought: Wow! That's great! All the benefits of reading without, you know, actually having to read.

Our favorite audio book, by far, was Kathy Griffin's autobiography, Official Book Club Selection: A Memoir According to Kathy Griffin, narrated by none other than Kathy herself. I already thought Ms. Griffin was the cat's meow, especially after watching her gut-bustingly funny reality show My Life on the D List. 

Now, I love her even more. It's official, she's on my girl crush list. Listening to the story of how she came to be who she is today was not only entertaining but a fascinating insight into Hollywood, and some big name peeps she may or may not have slept with. Anyway.

The point is, this chick is the shit. She worked her ass off and clawed her way to the top. She is the embodiment of perseverance. She also didn't shy away from more serious topics like problems within her family, the disintegration of her marriage and the dark side of her plastic surgeries.

In my eyes, Kathy is on the "A" list, if only for being so frank and constantly inappropriate; a woman after my own heart. I love you Kathy; not in a crazed fan kind of way or anything (well, maybe). But I digress.

If you're not familiar with Kathy Griffin, crawl out from that rock you've been living under and check out her reality show (on Bravo in the States, Comedy Network in Canada). She's also done some HBO specials, and was the sassy sidekick on a totally forgettable NBC sitcom called Suddenly Susan. But don't hold the latter against her. Larry David doesn't. Oh yeah, they're buds. Don't be fooled, Kathy's got the hook-up. 

I'm adding this to my to-do list: meet Kathy Griffin and become her BFFL. Tina won't mind. We'll be like the Three Musketeers. It'll be AWESOME.

That's my girl...

My achy-breaky heart

I am shocked and saddened. There are some celebrities that I truly do like, some I would want to invite over for dinner because they're the shit - assuming celebrities would want to come over to a total stranger's house. These are two such celebrities, and that they're breaking up breaks my heart. 

And it was reported by the BBC, so you know it's official. This ain't no Brangelina break-up rumour. This is fo' reals. Kate, she's on my girl crush list. Ridiculously talented and totally hot. And Sam... Sam directed one of my favorite movies of all time: American Beauty. 

It hurts just to look at this picture...

Sometimes, these break-ups, they wound. I get invested in the relationship, and then... It's like Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon; Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman (before I knew Tom was a cult icon). These super couples, you think they're gonna last forever. And then they don't. Sadness. 

Of course, knowing Tom's religious zealousness, I can understand why he and Nicole didn't work out. Nicole is sane (I think). As for Tim and Susan, it's still unclear. No one seems to know for sure. And, of course, it's none of our business, really. 

But I still want to know. 

Tom and Nicole in happier days (when he seemed normal) 

Tim and Susan, back in the day (man, she looks hot in this photo)

Tina Fey in March Vogue

My girl crush Tina Fey is on the cover of the March issue of Vogue. Tina, who describes herself as a "normal girl" is, in my view, anything but. She has that rare combination of intelligence, razor-sharp wit and good looks. The more I watch 30 Rock, the more I appreciate the depth of her talent. 

It's so refreshing to see someone as engaging and accomplished as Tina on a magazine cover. Enough with these vacuous Hollywood barbies who lack both talent and intellect and whose fame is highly tenuous. Tina has earned every bit of it. 

As a playwright focused mainly on satire, this gal is my hero. To write in the insightful way Tina does requires a brain. Something which seems severely lacking in the female celebrities shoved in our faces day in and day out. The Jessicas come to mind - Airheaded Alba, Blank Biel and Simpleminded Simpson. 

Here are a couple of my favorite tidbits from Tina's Vogue interview:

A friend of mine recently said this: "Her existence is such a relief." By which she meant that women of a certain age who are cool, funny, and smart but who are by no means fabulous—who are in fact befuddled by much of what passes for fabulous these days—are relieved to see Fey celebrated as such. When I share this with Fey, she says in the most sincere tone imaginable, "That is such a lovely thing to say." She thinks it over for only a second. "I feel like I represent normalcy in some way. What are your choices today in entertainment? People either represent youth, power, or sexuality. And then there's me, carrying normalcy." Pause. "Me and Rachael Ray.

We need more normal.

I think women dress for other women to let them know what their deal is. Because if women were only dressing for men, there would be nothing but Victoria's Secret. There would be no Dior.

Come on. You know she's right. Think of how much money we would save if we didn't care what other women thought of our wardrobe. Men, they don't care. As long as it comes off easily. 

Click here for the full interview. It's definitely worth a read.

I love you, Tina Fey.

Tina Fey - Diva of Divine Dialogue

"My uncle used to get that look in his eyes after he'd been drinking from the air conditioner." Best. Line. Ever. Where did I find such a gem, you ask? It comes from an episode of 30 Rock,  a show created by Tina Fey, who is also an executive producer, co-writer and plays the title character, Liz Lemon. She is the new Master of the Universe. I'm totally girl crushing on her. She's funny, intelligent and hot. The trifecta of awesomeness.

If you haven't seen an episode of 30 Rock, watch it, rent it, download it, find a way to get your hands on it. It's the most brilliant network sitcom since Seinfeld. The ensemble cast is stellar, the writing is to die for and it's freakin' funny. Perhaps network TV is not quite dead yet. That this show actually airs on NBC, one of the American "big three" networks is utterly surprising, but pleasantly so. A creation of this caliber usually seems reserved for HBO or Showtime. And that this show is coming into its fourth season is nothing short of a miracle, and gives me hope that good taste is not dead. 30 Rock has not yet suffered the fate of predecessors such as Arrested Development, which received critical acclaim, six Emmy awards and one Golden Globe but not enough people were watching it. So it was canceled after Season 3. Tragic, yes. 

That Arrested Development no longer airs but a "new" Melrose Place is debuting this season is like rubbing coarse salt in an open wound. Memo to network executives: if it's brilliant, they will come. Seinfeld didn't really take off until its fourth season. FOURTH. Just something to keep in mind the next time you decide to cancel a great show and recycle one that showcases the intelligence of a Darwin award winner.