Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Oh gluten, where art thou?

So I've decided to go all gluten-free, because it's trendy. Ok, maybe not entirely for that reason, but it does seem to be gaining popularity. I'm doing it to be a skinny bitch. Ok, maybe that's not my main intention but hopefully, a pleasant side effect. I'm actually doing it because wheat was starting to make me feel really shitty. I'd have a few bites of pasta or bread and feel like a beached whale, and was constantly congested.

I made the connection a few months ago but wasn't ready to do anything about it. I mean, I'm a carb whore. No more bread? No more pasta? Yeah. Right.

I did find out that rice pasta is a great alternative and actually tastes like pasta. However, the quest for yummy gluten-free bread has proved an abject failure so far. The last one I tried, some rice/flax confection, tasted like sandpaper and if, God forbid, you accidentally dropped that shit, it might break a toe, it was so hard.

To the makers of gross gluten-free bread: Seriously? Who's gonna eat that shit? I mean, come on. Ex-carb sluts trying to wean themselves off gluten need a little help here. At least make it palatable.

I did cheat a bit recently. I was attending a yoga workshop over the past weekend, and like a good little yogini, bought a half dozen gourmet doughnuts at a recently discovered shop right behind the yoga studio while on break.

Sweet Mother of all that is good...
The next day, my workshop buddy introduced me to a relatively new bakery in town and, upon entering, I realized that trying to uphold my new gluten-free philosophy in that place was futile. It would be like slapping life in the face when presented with an opportunity for sheer pleasure and contentment. I caved and ate a most delicious ham and cheese sandwich on gluten-rich bread.

I'm back on the wagon but have decided that I'm on a low-gluten diet, instead of a no-gluten regimen. Cutting something out of my diet entirely always seems to backfire. I overcompensate with something else.

Since I went (mostly) gluten-free, I'm obsessed with cheese, like it's my new comfort food due to lack of bread. So, once in a while, I gotta even things out, and have some freakin' gluten. However, I will choose those moments judiciously, and indulge with only the most delicious, high-quality gluten-rich foods, like a Costco meat lasagna.

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