Now that I'm rested and have read numerous "best of 2011" lists, I decided I wouldn't try that formula here because, well, it's 2012 and I'm looking ahead to the future. So, here's a list of things I'd like to see make my "best of 2012" list:
1) A piece of clothing from Aritzia, Urban Outfitters or Forever 21 that doesn't fall apart at the seams. Yesterday, I had to MacGyver the seam of a sweater I got at Urban Outfitters when I noticed a gaping hole at the shoulder. So I cut a piece of ribbon into a thin strip and hand wove it through the hole, tying it all back together nicely.
Today, the fabric of another sweater (a thin one, with delicate fabric, I admit) from Forever 21 got caught on the velcro of my winter jacket, which I gently tried to extract and well, wouldn't you know it, now there are f*cking holes in both sleeves that I'll have to sew up. I understand that everything nowadays is made in China. But could China give a shit? Please? Kind of makes me long for the days when things were manufactured in my own country, by people who were paid a decent wage, treated fairly, and produced a quality product.
2) A couple from The Bachelor actually works out. One or two former Bachelorettes have been successful at finding lasting love, and one former Bachelor married his initial runner-up but there hasn't been one successful union of an original couple from The Bachelor. However, there is a disturbingly high proportion of nut jobs this season, which premiered on January 2, and it doesn't bode well for our sweet, down-to-earth Bachelor Ben.
3) The Kardashian family is deported to Siberia for crimes against humanity, and barred from access to any form of media indefinitely.
4) Someone publicly admits that Two and a Half Men isn't funny, has never been funny, and should have ended years ago. Then again, we got tiger blood out of it...
5) Anderson Cooper confirms whether or not he's gay. I would never advocate forcing anyone out of the closet but if Anderson came clean, it would finally end all this ceaseless speculation as to his true sexual orientation, and we could just focus on what's important: his hotness.
6) Remakes of highly successful films are considered "a bad idea". I've heard rumours of a Dirty Dancing remake, and I tell ya, if that shit comes to pass, I will freak out. Is there such a dearth of new ideas out there that good movies need to be ruined by remakes? Why can't we just relish the excellence of the original film and move on?
7) Our fixation on Jennifer Aniston and her "happiness" is replaced by a fixation on, oh, I don't know, cute puppies.
8) Oprah Winfrey's new TV network, OWN, avoids becoming an abject failure, and ratings improve. The mighty Opes is queen of, well, everything. I'm not ready to see her go down in flames.
9) Chumlee, of Pawn Stars fame, is named Sexiest Man Alive.
10) Toddlers and Tiaras convinces those in power that beauty pageants are tantamount to child abuse. They are subsequently banned, and all "beauty contestants" sent to inner city public schools for "reeducation".