Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Russian Dating Chat - it wasn't what I was expecting

So I open up my Gossip Junkie app to check out the celeb scene and the first thing I see at the top of a long list of inane articles on celebrity happenings is an ad selling "Russian Dating Chat Hot Girls". I'm assuming this was written by someone who speaks broken English. Does Celebuzz vet its advertisers at all?

This could be a human sex slave business. A dodgy dude in some rundown Moscow brothel promises its overworked, underpaid, malnourished prostitutes a "new life" in America. 'Cause being a prostitute in the States is much easier.

Unless you start smoking crack. Then, forget it. You'll be hangin' out on some rat poop infested mattress in a condemned building with people who have names like Cutter and Tweaker, sucking back diet Coke while your teeth rot, your skin peels off your face, and your cooch dries up. Then what?

Or maybe it's a mail order bride service. "White collar criminal with "unique" sexual appetites seeks foreign girl desperate for American citizenship to fulfill every whim and fantasy. Must not get nauseous at the sight of blood."

How do we know these girls are even Russian? They could be starving L.A. actresses practicing their foreign accents, dreaming of their "big break". Except that moment never comes, and they end up converting to Mormonism, moving to Salt Lake City, and becoming the 5th sister wife of the leader of some obscure polygamist sect.

Their sense of fashion suffers greatly as the sect will only allow them to wear Little House on the Prairie inspired outfits and they spend the rest of their days struggling with feelings of jealousy and inadequacy.

You can't see these girls, either. Are they really hot? Maybe they're homely kitchen help in some Siberian gulag, forced to have phone sex with foreigners and never seeing a dime for themselves since the profits are siphoned to a Russian mobster in St. Petersburg who's running the prison system through bribery of law officials.

Anyone posting these types of advertisements should really think twice before doing so as they could lead some curious horny pubescent boy down the wrong path.

2 comments:

Nikki Rules said...

I found this most amusing. And as I was reading it, I couldn't help but wonder "Why did I ever stop reading your blog?"

Glad to be back among your readers and followers. I truly enjoyed reading this post and looking forward to more.

Sassy Stylings said...

It's great to have you back Nikki!

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