Moody artists are, at times, subject to bouts of depression and periods of paralyzing self-doubt. So we become steeped in melancholy. Sad, unenthusiastic, preoccupied with existential navel gazing. It's the price one pays for being a creative genius.
However, a dilemma arises when one writes what is essentially a humour blog. How can I be funny when I'm depressed? Well, I had a few thoughts on this...
How to cultivate funny when you're depressed:
1) Watch an Intervention marathon on A&E while getting smashed. The irony alone will be enough to perk you up.
2) Incorporate people you hate into your next script. Be merciless. The lesson here? Don't piss off a writer. It will come back to haunt you and will pull said writer out of their funk.
3) Fart loudly in a crowded place. Artists eschew civilized behaviour. And let's face it, farts are funny.
4) When co-workers ask "How are you?" answer with: "Your what hurts?" It will lead to instant confusion.
5) If you have a male boss, the next time he asks you to do something, respond with: "Yes, Mister Grey." Then, when he's all like: "Mr. Grey?" you say: "Ask your wife and, you're welcome." Fun for you, and could score you extra brownie points if he gets laid as a result.
6) Wear clown makeup. How can you not be happy with a clown face? And it might terrorize people with an irrational fear of clowns. You win.
7) Try eating pet food. It smells kinda good. How bad can it be? If anything, it will momentarily distract you from your despondency.
8) Go up to a complete stranger and ask "Why am I here?".
9) While shopping, try on at least six pieces of clothing, simultaneously. When the sales clerk looks at you as if to say: "What the f*ck?" answer: "Duh. It's called layering."
10) The next time you're accosted by someone trying to get you to support a charity, say "Let them eat cake!" When they look at you, confused, say: "Someone doesn't know their French history!".
I feel better already...