Thursday, March 15, 2012

I coulda been a contender...

Last weekend, I went shopping with a gaggle of girls for a wedding dress for my dear friend G. We were also looking for some bridesmaid dresses, minus the diarrhea and projectile vomiting. So, I'm sitting in the back of the car with C. We're casually chatting when she mentions she's going to an information session for a local roller derby league. "Whaaaaaaa?!!" I say.

You see, ever since I saw the movie Whip It (not great, mediocre at best), I've had a fascination with roller derby. So when C. tells me this, I immediately say: "When, where, oh my god, oh my god, I am SO going!" And she's all like: "Really?!" and I'm all like: "Hells ya!" It was a sign from the Universe. My dreams of becoming a roller derby queen would finally come true. The path was being laid out before me.

The recruitment process is dubbed the Fresh Meat Program (loving it already), and it runs throughout the summer. Then, if you survive that, you get a shot at joining one of three teams in the league. I figured with my kickboxing background, I'd be a shoe-in. It's kinda like kickboxing, on roller skates. Psshh. No big. I can do that.

However, upon further research, I discovered that joining a roller derby league would spell the end of my yoga teaching career due to conflicting time commitments, and it's taken me over three years to build my current yoga client base. Damn you yoga, and your... your enlightenment and shit! Dream crusher.

I also Wiki'ed  roller derby. It was a fascinating read, especially the section titled Safety Concerns. And I quote: As roller derby is a contact sport, the risk of injury is non-trivial. Injuries range from common bruises and sprains to broken bones and concussions and beyond. Um, is "non-trivial" a euphemism for "you could get seriously f*cked up"? And what exactly lies beyond a concussion? Death? A permanent vegetative state?

I ultimately decided I couldn't give up my yoga teaching, which I've poured countless hours into, for an uncertain shot at a spot on a roller derby team. In a perfect world, there would be time to do everything that interests me. Alas, such is not the case, and sacrifices must be made. My roller derby aspirations will have to wait, for now.

I did, however, get distracted in the bridal shop by a black fascinator, and decided to take an "artsy" shot of myself. 

Those eyes are like black pools of deadness. Roller derby is my destiny. One day, one day...


in bed with married women said...

i am going roller skating tonight, like at a rink. and i am waaaay too excited about it.

visiting from studio 30, now following.


Eric Storch said...

My sister has been in a Derby for a few years. She gets beat up - a lot. I'm talking torso sized bruises and constant sprains. It's a rough sport.

Kimberly said...

Oh, but to chase the dream....

Although, I'm totally a wuss. And would sit down and cry the first time I got knocked into the wall.

So, you really shouldn't listen to me.

Sassy Stylings said...

@ in bed with married women: see now, that sounds like fun - roller skating without the "getting beat up" part.

@ Eric: I may have to reconsider. I don't like pain.

@ Kimberly: don't feel bad. I cried once in kickboxing when this really big dude started beating on me. I didn't have a chance.

Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said...

Seems like you would have to have a split personality to be a bad ass roller derby queen and a calm, cool, finding your inner Chi type Yoga instructor.

Sassy Stylings said...

@ Just Keepin It Real, Folks!: I see it as a Yin/Yang balance - aggression can be (somewhat) safely expressed and balanced out with yoga's calming energy.

That's my theory... however, I can't vouch for its accuracy until I've actually tried roller derby.


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