Friday, November 26, 2010

A tale of two shits: gassy lady on her cellphone and Hollywood movie executives

Certain displays of human behaviour make me wonder if we're not generally regressing to a realm of deeply inferior intelligence. Take for instance what I witnessed yesterday in the ladies' bathroom. 

I was at work and had to go for a "number 2" so I went up one floor to the deserted bathroom since the one on our floor is too busy. You see, the bathroom must be empty for me to do my business. I cannot poop in the presence of other people. I do not want to submit them to the sounds and smells that sometimes emanate from my body, 'cause I'm nice like that.

So there I was, sittin' on the throne ready for action when in walks in some lady and settles herself in the stall right next to me. She then proceeded to take a big 'ol crap, sound effects and all while I patiently waited until she finished. Now, up to this point, there was nothing out of the ordinary. Until....

In the middle of her defecation, she MAKES A CALL ON HER CELLPHONE to her husband, boyfriend, whatever. It went something like this: "Hi honey (rrrhhhhh - sound of her physical exertion while pooping), how are you? How's your day (rrrhhhhh) going? (Pause as he responds.) That's good. We're still in (rrhhhh) meetings. We'll barely have time to get to the airport (rrrhhh)." Etc... 

I was sitting in the neighbouring stall, trying to pick my jaw up off the floor. I was MORTIFIED. This is taking cellphone usage too far. There must be rules of etiquette people! Unless it's a matter of life and death, no one should be calling anyone while taking a shit.

She wrapped up her convo, then proceeded to shit and fart some more, and finally exited said bathroom. I was left wondering: "What is this world coming to?" 

Then, this morning, another display of colossal stupidity. In my half-asleep morning haze, my boyfriend, who was reading the morning paper, tells me that Warner Bros. announced that they will be remaking a Buffy the Vampire Slayer film, WITHOUT its creator Joss Whedon or the original cast from the TV series.

WTF? You evil, soulless marketing rep weasels! You take something sacred and defile it to make a buck! You try to cash in on the current vampire craze by ruining a cherished cult establishment? I say: Shame on you! I will boycott this movie. 

I will call Warner Bros. on my cellphone and shit all over this crappy idea.


Anonymous said...

this happens at my work-all the time! People are ridiculous.

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

Awesome post!

Stupid people annoy the crap out of me.

Anonymous said...

Ha hilarious! And so gross......But women can be seriously disgusting and especially at work!

Sassy Stylings said...

I am deeply dismayed that this type of behaviour seems to be a regular occurrence.

However, I took immense pleasure in exposing it to entertain my readers :-)


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