Monday, November 29, 2010

I suspect Barbara Walters may be senile

As always, I am simultaneously delighted and dismayed by Barbara Walters' picks for her Most Fascinating People of the Year list. 

She recently revealed 8 of the 10 names she's chosen. I will only comment on 7 because I don't know much about LeBron James, and frankly, I don't care much for professional sports players. My heart is still breaking for Elin... but I digress.

Delighting, understandable choices:

Sandra Bullock: Sandy weathered quite the storm this year what with her douchebag of a cheatin' ex-husband coming clean, and Sandy adopting the cutest child that ever lived. She handled all this with grace and poise, keeping her head high and moving on.

Kate Middleton: The future wife of the future King of England has indeed earned her spot on this list. There's always been a morbid fascination with the British royal family, as dysfunctional as they may sometimes seem. I think, however, that William and Kate are a couple rooted in reality - they've been together for practically a decade and are both almost 30. Kate knows what she's getting into. She's also very stylish - definitely a prerequisite for any bride-to-be to one of Princess Diana's offspring. 

Betty White: This spunky 88-year-old woman rocks my world. She's made a phenomenal comeback at an age when females are basically considered non-existent and simply waiting for death to arrive. Betty has knocked that stereotype out of the park and proven to us all that you can kick ass at any age. She's the real deal folks.

Dismaying, "what the f*ck were you thinking?" choices:

Justin Bieber: I'm sorry but... huh? A banal teenager with an overinflated ego who resembles and sings like a prepubescent girl is fascinating? Dear Barbara: worldwide fame does not a fascinating person make. Take, for example, Paris Hilton. Who, you ask? Exactly. She was so three years ago, and even then, was not remotely fascinating.

Sarah Palin: She kills things, on TV, with her family. Need I say more?

Jennifer Lopez: Last I heard, Jennifer was pimping out her kids to Gucci. She does not get to make this list.

The cast of Jersey Shore: Sweet mother of God, what is WRONG with our society? I've watched about three minutes of this show and it was enough for me to come to the conclusion that it is intellectually and creatively equivalent to a sac of rusty nails. No, wait, you could actually make art with rusty nails. My mistake. It's WORSE than a sac of rusty nails. I can only deduce that Barbara is slowly slipping into senility. It's the only explanation for this choice.

Of course, Barbara did not reveal her top pick for 2010 but as you can see from this list, it could go either way. She could take the high road or the one frequently traveled. I'm hoping for the former.

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