Thursday, April 21, 2011

It's like a horrific accident... I can't look away.

So... apparently Brad Womack (a.k.a the latest Bachelor on The Bachelor) and his chosen one, Emily Maynard, have split for good - she left him, a mere four or five months after they got together. Emily was all set to move to Austin with her daughter to be with Brad but then, things fell apart... again. 

Oh yes, they had broken up once before, then got back together to face the cameras for their After the final rose special. It was apparent then that these two had no chance. Physically awkward with each other and whispering "I love you" before statements like " I'm not sure I'm ready to marry Brad" = recipe for disaster. 

There was also a segment on the special that included bringing back successful Bachelor couples to "counsel" Brad and Emily on how to get through this "rough" period when the show actually airs and one member of the new couple has to watch the other make out with and declare "strong feelings" for a bevy of other very attractive men or women. 

Apparently, Emily has had the most trouble in Bachelor history "adjusting" to this period immediately following the end of her cloistered, idyllic romance with Brad and the airing of his shenanigans with other bodacious babes.

Yeah, reality kind of sucks like that. It's ironic that this type of program is dubbed "reality TV" since nothing could be further from it. Hence, the incredibly high failure rate of Bachelor couples to tough it out in the real world once the show is over. 

Interestingly, the Bachelorettes seem to fare better than their male counterparts. I wish I had a theory as to why but I really don't. Is it because women are much cattier and have more trouble getting over the fact that the guy who asked "Will you marry me?" may also have slept with other women just days earlier? Is it because the Bachelorettes tend to think with their hearts instead of their vaginas, and therefore pick a more suitable mate?

Then there are jerk-offs like Jake Pavelka who were on the show simply to become famous. I mean, Jake is now filming a reality series with some Jersey Housewife and Heidi Montag. Please. I'm convinced he picked the notorious, unanimously reviled Vienna simply for ratings, and it worked. Congratulations Jake on your most excellent fame whoring. Well done.

Apparently, Brad Womack has a "temper" which was one of the reasons why Emily dumped him. I'm thinking the show's producers may have known that Brad was emotionally "fragile" so why cast him AGAIN on The Bachelor

Oh yes, this was his SECOND time on the show as the Bachelor. He had a first chance and f*cked it up. And, he has a temper. There should have been no second chances. I'm guessing the powers that be thought it would be good for ratings. Ah Hollywood, it's all about the bottom line, isn't it.

Brad stated that one of his fears, the second time around, was falling for a woman who wouldn't love him back. Well, I guess that turned out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. He should have picked Shawntel, a gorgeous, intelligent, emotionally stable funeral director. Then again, Shawntel deserves better. In the end, she dodged a bullet. 

It's been proven, although quite rarely, that this formula can work to find a mate. Trista, the first ever Bachelorette and her pick Ryan, have been together for seven years and have two kids. But, for the most part, what follows a season of the Bachelor / Bachelorette are disastrous couplings that crash faster than Charlie Sheen in rehab.

Of course, I'm counting down the days until the next season of The Bachelorette premieres in May, followed by the second season of a spin-off show, The Bachelor Pad, this summer. It's anthropological research. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

Brad: See how I'm touching your arm with my finger? That means I like you.
Emily: See how my stiff stance indicates that I may be a frigid bitch? That means you're not good enough for me.

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