Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Fun with CNN Souvenirs - Episode 5

Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4

**These episodes are solely a product of my own imagination. Any resemblance whatsoever to actual events is purely coincidental.

Me: I know about you and Sanjay.

Anderson: Of course you do, you set us up.

Me: Andy, baby, you know what I mean. I know you two are sleeping together.

Sanjay: I think it's more than that.

Me: Is it, Andy? Are you in love with Sanjay?

Anderson: I thought I might be. But then, when Sanjay told me about his Prada deal with you, and I found out what kind of sacrifice you were making for me, for us, I don't know, things changed.

Sanjay: But things were so... intense between us. Are you denying that?

Anderson: I'm not but... I love my wife. I really do. 

Sanjay: And I'm caught in the middle. On one hand, I have a Prada wholesale hook-up and on the other, a hot news anchor. It's like being caught between a rock and a hard place.

Anderson: Let me make it easier for you. I choose my wife. 

Sanjay: Wow. It's like you didn't even have to think about it. Didn't any of it mean anything to you?

Anderson: Of course it did, I'm not some heartless bastard. But I didn't have all the information. Now I do. Sure, Sassy can be a bitch sometimes.

Me: Hey!

Anderson: Well, it's true.

Me: Yeah, I guess you're right.

Anderson: But she's also the craziest, hottest, tightest piece of ass I've ever had. 

Sanjay: You really know how to make a guy feel special.

Anderson: Sanjay, you were there for me when I needed someone, when Sassy couldn't be, because of her depression. Hey, um, that's done by the way, right?

Me: Oh yeah. 

Anderson: Ok good. As I was saying, you were there when I needed you. 

Sanjay: And now you want to discard me like yesterday's trash.

Anderson: You know that's not true. Don't vilify me because you're angry and feeling rejected.

Sanjay: Don't patronize me. I love you.

Anderson: I thought I loved you to. 

Me: Boys, stop. There's no reason we can't resolve this. We're three extraordinarily attractive people. Obviously, we all care about each other. So why not show it? Together? The three of us?

Anderson: Are you saying what I think you're saying?

Sanjay: Yes, she is. 

Me: So, what do you say boys? How's about you and you and me take this to the bedroom?

Anderson: I love you.

Me: I love you too.

Sanjay: I love you three. 

Anderson: Wait! What are we going to do about Soledad? You're not safe as long as she's out there.

Me: Let me worry about that. Right now I've got bigger fish to fry. 

Anderson: I love it when you talk dirty. Sanjay, come on. 

Sanjay: No need to ask me twice.

Will Soledad exact her revenge on me for the fundraiser fashion show fiasco? Will Sanjay remain content sharing Anderson with me? Find out on the next episode of Fun with CNN Souvenirs.

1 comment:

Title Loans said...

If only conversations with Anderson Cooper actually existed like that. You should be a soap opera writer, you would be fantastic at it.


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