A little over a month ago, I was in our basement tracking down a kickboxing certificate my new dojo required since I started up again after a three year absence. Anyhoo, I located this certificate in a Rubbermaid crate full of other memorabilia, including diaries I kept as a young girl.
I thought I would briefly look through said diaries. An hour or so later, the blue tinge of my bare feet on the cold basement floor indicating that it was time to go back upstairs, I vowed to share my story with the world of how Don Johnson ruined my acting career.
You're probably thinking: "But Sassy, what's the correlation between your diaries, Don Johnson and your non-existent acting career?" Well, I'm getting to that because I know you're dying to find out. I came upon a diary I kept for a few months when I was 12 years old. In it was depicted my intense crush on Don Johnson, watching Miami Vice and my brief stint in a drama class.
You see, I was enrolled in a drama class at the local television station that started at 9 am sharp on Saturday mornings. Miami Vice aired at 10 pm on Friday nights. I just HAD to watch Miami Vice because of my obsession with Don Johnson. However, doing so made it terribly difficult to get up the next morning for my class.
Therefore, my mother told me: "No more Miami Vice." To which I apparently responded: "No more drama class." Yes folks, I quit the drama class after a few weeks so I could watch Don Johnson on TV on Friday nights. (Insert snide remark here.)
Below are selected excerpts from my childhood diary, depicting what can only be described as a strange, deluded state of mind, addicted to fictional characters on TV.
January 17, 1986:
I'm sorry I didn't write to you last night. I was so tired I just went to bed right after Miami Vice (my favorite T.V. show). But I won't be seeing it for a while because my mother wants me to go to bed earlier because my drama class starts at 9:00 and Miami Vice finishes at 11:00. I'm sure gonna miss Don Johnson. I found out that Don Johnson has a son and a girlfriend. Well it's really depressing but I still like him.
It gets worse people...
February 4, 1986:
I want to talk about something. My dream. But I just want to tell you that I had an O.K. day today first. Now, you see I'm depressed because you see I really really want to meet Don Johnson but I know it's never going to happen. I have his address but if I write him a letter he probably won't have time to read it. I don't know what's happening to me sometimes I just can't stop thinking of him. Well, I won't die until I meet Don Johnson.
A mere 11 days later, notice this entry describing a typical Saturday morning.
February 15, 1986:
I had a good day today. First, I got up and watched cartoons, ate breakfast, did my toilette and my mother brought my sister to her gymnastics.
Watching cartoons!!! That's what I was doing instead of perfecting my acting skills! Watching cartoons and nursing my crush on Don Johnson. Things could have been so different for me... I could have been a movie star by now, goddammit.
I am however impressed with my use of the word "toilette", a fancy French word meaning I actually bathed that day.
Damn you Sonny Crockett and your hotness.