A Valentine's Day morning at our house:
The boyfriend: Hey, wanna go skating tonight?
Me: The Bachelor is on tonight.
The boyfriend (laughs hysterically): So this is what it's come to.
Me: It's a great way to celebrate Valentine's Day - I mean, it's about romance and finding love and stuff.
The boyfriend: Uh-huh.
You must understand, skating in Ottawa is a special event. The longest outdoor skating surface in the world, the Rideau Canal, is located in the heart of downtown Ottawa and it's "an experience" to skate on it what with the beautiful scenery, hot chocolate and scrumptious Beaver Tails. If you don't know what Beaver Tails are, come to Ottawa and find out. It'll be worth the trip, I promise.
So me saying no to what could have been a nice, romantic Valentine's Day skate, and opting instead to stay home and watch reality TV is really, well, sad. However, watching The Bachelor at our crib is a family affair. The boyfriend, the stepdaughter and I watch this show with great enthusiasm and running commentary, especially since we're noticing a trend with the male bachelors.
They swear they're in it to find true love but end up thinking only with their penis. How do we know this? Because they keep the crazy bitches and eliminate the nice girls. Don't get me wrong, the nice girls are just as pretty as the manipulative wack jobs, except they seem emotionally stable. I guess that's not appealing.
That's exactly what the current Bachelor, Brad Womack, is doing. Sometimes, he appears to be thinking clearly, and makes logical decisions. But most of the time, the three of us are incensed by his incomprehensible attraction to nasty ass, sometimes abusive women.
What's the deal Brad? One of them is outright crazy, with fairytale-like delusions that she was "meant to be" on the show and thus Brad should pick her. Another confessed that she purposely sabotages relationships because she feels no one can deal with her past baggage.
And yet, there are a couple of women who are genuinely interesting, attractive and not constantly thinking about themselves but about Brad, and how he's feeling throughout this arduous process of picking a mate for life. Kudos to Brad for keeping some of them but why he's kept the crazies and booted off the other nice girls is beyond my comprehension.
I'm quite aware of the fact that the extent to which this enrages me is disturbing in itself. It's a goddamn reality show, for Christ's sake! Why do I even care! And yet, I do, dammit. I want Brad to be happy. I want him to find a suitable partner. But he's f*cking it up big time. I wish I could have a little sit down with him, tell him he's gone astray and who my picks would be.
Then again, maybe that's my wish to exert control over him, and then I'd be no better than the bitches I claim are intolerable.
Chris Harrison, why do you do this to me! Why do you subject me to these mind games! They're f*ckin' me up man!