Thursday, February 24, 2011

Fun with CNN Souvenirs - Episode 3

If you missed the first two episodes, catch up on all the action here:

**These episodes are solely a product of my own imagination. Any resemblance whatsoever to actual events is purely coincidental.

Anderson: My God. That was incredible.

Sanjay: It was wasn't it.

Anderson: I think I went blind for a minute there.

Sanjay: Has your wife ever made you feel that way?

Anderson: Can we please not talk about her?

Sanjay: Sorry. I just, I can't help it.

Anderson: You know I can't give you what you want.

Sanjay: I know.

Anderson: But it's not like I can't give you anything. 

Sanjay: Tell me a secret. Something no one else knows.

Anderson: Why?

Sanjay: If you tell me something, I'll tell you something.

Anderson: Again, why?

Sanjay: 'Cause it's fun. And it'll bring us closer together.

Anderson: I don't want to lead you on.

Sanjay: I know where you stand. It's ok. But come on, what's wrong with having a confidante? Someone you can entrust with your deepest, darkest secrets?

Anderson: I don't trust anyone.

Sanjay: You can trust me. 

Anderson: And why would I do that?

Sanjay: We've been lovers for weeks. You know you feel the same intimacy between us that I do. And it's easier to share something than to try and carry it alone.

Anderson: (pause) For the past five years, I've switched the tags on my wife's clothes to make her think she's wearing designer stuff but really, they're all cheap knockoffs.

Sanjay: What!

Anderson: I know. It's terrible. I'm so ashamed. She trusted me and I let her down. 

Sanjay: No, I mean, why are you buying her clothes?

Anderson: She doesn't like to shop.

Sanjay: She doesn't like to shop! 

Anderson: No. 

Sanjay: Something is very, very wrong with her.

Anderson: She's been depressed for a while, that could explain it. Although she's never really liked shopping since I've known her.

Sanjay: I don't know what to say.

Anderson: About me or about her?

Sanjay: Well, what you're doing is despicable, practically unforgivable. You have impeccable taste and you're dressing your wife in ghetto rags. That's harsh man. Harsh.

Anderson: I know. I'm a cheap bastard! And if she ever finds out, I don't know what she'll do. It's eating me up inside.

Sanjay: It must be since you're letting Soledad hold you hostage.

Anderson: What? How do you....

Sanjay: How do I know? I didn't until just now. But I know what she's really after and I'm going to give you the information she wants. The question is: will you tell Soledad or will you be honest with your wife instead?

Anderson: Don't tell me anything. Please.

Sanjay: I know you're a good man Anderson, you'll do the right thing. I'm going to give you the recipe for the chocolate that, if eaten regularly, melts away excess weight, tones muscles and gives you a nice, healthy glow, without self-tanner or damaging sun rays. Do you really think I'm that naive? I hold the secret to what every woman wants - a perfect body via regular ingestion of chocolate. You think you're the first to try and get it from me?

Anderson: So, all this time, you've known...

Sanjay: Yes.

Anderson: Why didn't you say anything?

Sanjay: Because your wife set this up, to find out why Soledad has such a hold on you.

Anderson: What! How do you know my wife! 

Sanjay: Let's just say I owe her, a lot.

Anderson: She set you and me up? But I thought Soledad set us up, and, obviously, you know why.

Sanjay: That's what Soledad thinks, too.

Anderson: I've done terrible things. Why would you want to be with someone like me? 

Sanjay: The heart wants what it wants. 

Anderson: You still haven't answered my question: how do you know my wife?

Sanjay: She's been keeping secrets from you too. She set me up with a Prada wholesaler - I haven't paid full price in months. It's changed my life. I owe her big time.

Anderson: How does she know Prada wholesalers? She hates shopping!

Sanjay: That's where you're wrong. She pretended to hate it because it turned into an ugly addiction that she didn't want you to know about. That's why she sends you to do it for her, you have self-control, well, most of the time.

Anderson: Does she know what I've been doing?

Sanjay: What do you think? I'm just here to confirm her suspicions.

Anderson: Oh my God. I'm such an asshole. 

Sanjay: She's kept things from you too. 

Anderson: Why wouldn't she come to me?

Sanjay: She was afraid you'd be angry.

Anderson: My God. My poor little cupcake. I need to see her. 

Sanjay: I understand. But first, here it is, what Soledad's been looking for. I trust you'll do the right thing.

Anderson: She has no power over me anymore. That little conniving bitch is gonna get what's coming to her. 

How will Anderson avenge himself against Soledad? Will he admit his affair with Sanjay to me? Will Sanjay be willing to give up Anderson for me? Find out on the next episode of Fun with CNN Souvenirs.

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