Friday, March 4, 2011

The day I got face raped

They'll look great once the swelling goes down! Wait, let's go back to the beginning.

It all started a week ago... Sometimes, I have whims, whims that I must indulge. I sensed this was one of my creative whims so obviously, as an artist, I had to address it. It's part of my creative process. I decided, after five or six years of going makeup free, that I wanted to be a girl again. I wanted to wear makeup.

So I mosied on down to this fabulous makeup store a few blocks away, shared my dilemma with the friendly staff (I haven't worn makeup in like, forever, please help me!) and a short time later I left with a bag full of loot and a makeover.

But, being me, I wasn't completely satisfied with just the new goods, no, I had to complete this mission by booking a brow shaping appointment so that my eyebrows would match my new, polished look.

A few days later, I showed up to said fabulous makeup store once again, brimming with enthusiasm at my pending brow shaping. After this, I would look effing good. Between the perfect brows and the new makeup, I could do no wrong. 

The esthetician guided me to my seat where I happily entrusted my brows and flawless skin to her. The actual waxing wasn't too bad, some very short-lived discomfort for a lot of gain. That's how I saw it anyway. She also suggested I get my upper lip waxed which I agreed to after a flashback of that photo where I look like I have a mustache. 

Once the deed was done, she applied some liquid foundation to the now red areas of freshly waxed skin. I admired my new brows in a mirror and was on my way. Success! The rest of the day went as planned until I got home and washed my face.

Oh holy Moses. Not only were the waxed areas red but numerous welts were forming on my face! My face people! My moneymaker! I've had waxing done before but didn't remember it being so hard on my skin. I figured I'd put some moisturizer on, go to bed and everything would be ok in the morning.

WRONG. I awoke to the same red, welty wilderness I had had the night before. Shit. I looked like a freak and my tinted moisturizer could not quite contain the scarlet tint of the raped zones. What had I done? I'd become a slave to superficial beauty, voluntarily submitting myself to painful procedures in the name of vanity.

And now I was paying the price. My skin was itchy and tight, and I felt overwhelmed with self-consciousness. I was monitoring the progression of this ailment in my compact mirror every few minutes to see if there had been any advancement in my healing process.

A couple days later, while sharing my tale of woe with some friends, one of them indicated that I'd probably had such a bad reaction because of the foundation applied to the affected areas immediately after waxing and that all that chemical shit basically seeped into my open, sensitive pores. 

Ah HA! Mystery solved. My face is still healing although it looks much better than it did a couple days ago. I'm on the road to recovery and everyone's prayers and well wishes are deeply appreciated.

Of course I'm going to go back. They'll look great once the swelling goes down!

6 comments:

Lance said...

If I don't see this episode on Law & Order SVU soon, it will be a travesty. Hope you and your face can recover.

Happy to be a new devoted fan.

Julie Buz. said...

SHEESH! Foundation on waxed skin?! That aesthetician was a chimpanzee, right, right?! (You know what? Don't even tell me. Sigh. Hope you're okay now.)

Mollie said...

I prefer threading to waxing for the brows. Is so much better. Found you on the Weekend Spotlight:)

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

Okay, I know nothing about anything on here, however I do think this is going to be a Lifetime made-for-tv movie really soon. Or at least a very special episode of Glee...

Random Girl said...

Oh wow, as if the normal pains it takes to be beautiful weren't enough right?? Glad they looked hot post swelling but I agree, the foundation on fresh waxed skin is a cardinal sin... next time, smack her if she thinks about it ok cupcake?

Sassy Stylings said...

@ Lance: You are absolutely right. I need justice, and my story needs to be heard, if only to save others from the same painful fate. That you're a new, devoted fan makes me feel better. My face thanks you :-)

@ Julie Buz.: Let me just say she may have been of the primate persuasion... However, my face is doing much better and looks almost normal now.

@ Mollie: Must investigate threading...

@ Brahm: I think the producers of Glee could squeeze a few songs out of this one. Love Hurts by Nazareth (self-love, that is); Your time is gonna come by Led Zeppelin (when I decide to get even with that esthetician), etc...

@ Random Girl: I will smack her, and I will enjoy it.

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