So here's me, deciding that in 2011, I don't want to define "success" by outward accomplishments (psh!) and status symbols (lame!). I want to cultivate inner acceptance, a true and lasting source of self-esteem not dependent on outward circumstances... Uh-huh. What are we today? March 9th? Yeah, well, that plan isn't workin' out so good.
I had vowed not to be one of those "keepin' up with the Jones' " kind of people, just "having to have" the latest version or the newest tech toy. I kept telling myself: "No, I'm happy with my seldomly used LG Rumor cellphone. Perfectly content. Don't need anything else."
Yesterday, I got a letter in the mail from our cellphone service provider. "You are now eligible for a phone upgrade. You can choose a new phone OR why not one of our new Blackberry smartphones?" Waaaaaaaahhhhh? Of course, they included a pamphlet with photos and info on the very latest Blackberry models. Of course...
Oooooohhhhhh.... aaaahhhhhhh. Pretty. Shiny. Blackberry. Must have one. No, dammit, no! I will not be a victim of sales gimmicks! Shut up voice of reason! I want one! But you barely use the phone you have now! You vowed never to be a "Crackberry" user! I don't care! I want one!
I was like a diabetic kid in a candy store, like a sex addict in a porn shop; the want so intense and overpowering, it eclipsed any sense of restraint. Who am I kidding? Trying to be all noble and shit, all anti-consumerism. I am failing miserably at this task.
After being given a second-hand iPod, "Apple want" ignited within me. If we happened to be in an electronics store, I felt obliged to peruse the new iPod products, and the joy I felt at the prospect of owning one of these toys was akin to still believing in Santa Claus.
Before I had an iPod, I couldn't have cared less about them. I had no interest in owning one and didn't know the first thing about how they worked. I was not perturbed by this in the least. But then, like Adam enticed by Eve to take a bite of the apple, I did, and brought rabid desire upon my earnest attempts at moderation.
It's humbling to be actively aware of my status as a hapless peon on the wheel of consumption. Maybe I should do more yoga or meditate or something to mitigate the irrational beliefs programmed into my average brain by clever marketers about what I "need". Ooohhh, that might require a trip to Lululemon.... never mind.