**These episodes are solely a product of my own imagination. Any resemblance whatsoever to actual events is purely coincidental.
Soledad: You were a real hit out there today, Sassy.
Me: Ahhh, thank you Soledad. You are too kind.
Soledad: No, I mean it. That outfit is really cutting edge, and you walked that runway like nobody's business.
Me: It pays to be the winner on America's Next Top Model. It's how you get noticed, you know? Now I get to do has-been celebrity charity fashion shows wearing my own clothes.
Soledad: Obviously, it's done wonders for you. You seem, happy.
Me: Was there ever any doubt?
Soledad: Well, rumour had it you were depressed for quite some time.
Me: That must have been all it was, a rumour. As you can see, I'm just fine.
Soledad: Whatever you say. How are you and Anderson doing?
Me: Never better.
Soledad: Really.
Me: Does that surprise you?
Soledad: Why should it?
Me: You sound unconvinced.
Soledad: Well, you know how nasty rumours can spread.
Me: Uh-huh. Tell me something. How would you feel if you found out you walked the runway in a fake label.
Soledad: What? What are you talking about?
Me: Maybe you should check your outfit. There's something not quite right about it. And I'm sure everyone picked up on it. This crowd could smell a fake from a mile away.
Soledad (realizing her outfit is a fake): You bitch! You switched my outfits! I was supposed to be wearing vintage Chanel!
Me: Yeah... now you're wearing vintage chenille.
Soledad: Oh my God... You know that I know.
Me: Of course I know that you know. I knew before any of you thought I did.
Soledad: Does Anderson know that you know?
Me: Yes, he knows that I know, and he knows that I know that you know and that you've been blackmailing him all this time.
Soledad: Why would you knowingly wear impostor designer clothing? Why would you let Anderson do that to you?
Me: I have my reasons. But there's no excuse for what you did. Holding that over his head to get information from Sanjay.
Soledad: You know about that too?
Me: Of course I do. Sanjay told me all about it.
Soledad: He's having an affair with Anderson, you know.
Me: I'm aware of that.
Soledad: And you don't care?
Me: That's between me and my husband.
Soledad: Whatever. Don't think this is over, you conniving bitch. I will never forgive you for this. I'll be trashed all over the pages of Vogue!
Me: I know, isn't it delicious?
Soledad: You will pay for this.
Me: I'm shaking in my boots. Oh, by the way, Sanjay shared his secret with me. I've already lost 5 pounds eating a whole box of Sanjay's chocolates, for breakfast.
Soledad: If I were you, I'd sleep with a knife under your pillow. You'll need it. (Soledad briskly walks out of the backstage dressing room at the Arachnophobia charity fashion show).
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