Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Falling off the wagon and onto the couch... to watch The Bachelorette

My dearest Sassies, 

I pride myself on being completely honest with you which is why I must confess... I've fallen off the wagon. I've succumbed to the lure of that dark, caffeinated elixir. Yes folks, I'm on coffee again. To read all about my adventures in caffeine withdrawal, click here

It all started innocently enough. I thought maybe a cup or two of coffee only on the weekends would be fine. And it was mighty fine, oh yes it was. But then, my consumption slowly crept up to a cup or two a day and I was right back where I started pre-caffeine free. 

There was no particular reason why I got off caffeine, no directive from my doctor or anything like that. I just thought I'd try it out. It was good while it lasted. But somehow, life without that soothing cup o' joe in the morning just didn't feel complete. So there you have it, today's true confession. I hope I haven't disappointed you too much. Don't expect much from me and you won't get hurt.

Speaking of not expecting too much, my boyfriend and I watched the latest episode of The Bachelorette the other night. For those of you who don't watch the show, you may not give a crap about the rest of this post, or you might find it mildly entertaining despite your abhorrence of mediocre reality TV.

From serious social commentary here to The Bachelorette. Yes, this is who I am. A contradiction, wrapped in an enigma, sprinkled with irony, and maybe a touch of cinnamon.

So... Ali is now in Tahiti with her final three men: Roberto, Chris L. and Frank. Her first dates are with Roberto and Chris L. Both were pretty boring to watch. Ali, scantily clad, buff men, mostly shirtless, frolicking about in a tropical paradise. Yawn.

Ali, as it turns out, is very vanilla. I haven't heard her say one interesting thing yet this whole season. They talk about nothing on this show. How are you supposed to build a relationship on something that has the consistency of a marshmallow? I also want to slap whoever was in charge of Ali's "island" wardrobe. There were some truly heinous choices that made Ali look old and fat. Not good.

In this episode, we find out that Frank still has feelings for his ex-girlfriend back in Chicago and goes to visit her, TV cameras in tow. Isn't it great how the producers of this show so blatantly f*ck around with Ali? Brutal. Of course, we've known this for weeks. It's been all over the gossipsphere so it wasn't a surprise, which is too bad. It really killed the "drama" factor. 

Frankly, it was no big loss for Ali (no pun intended), although she didn't see it that way. Frank is an emotional train wreck. Better he be someone else's problem. So that left us with a "no surprises" rose ceremony. Both Roberto and Chris L. were staying on the show for another round of "frolicking about in a tropical paradise". But, as Ali put it, she wanted them to "want" the rose as much as she wanted to offer it to them. Apparently, they did. 

Next week is the "reunion" show where they bring back all the contestants who got booted off and openly gossip about each other. Good times... The following week is the big finale episode. My guess is that by the end of this, we'll find out that Ali isn't with any of these guys, and that she actually hooked up with Jake Pavelka, who she pined for on the last season of The Bachelor before abandoning that show to go back to her job. Of course, it won't last. This show is 2 for 19 people, 2 for 19.

In yo' face Vienna, in yo' face!

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