As a yoga teacher and avid practitioner, I read a lot on the subject of yoga and holistic living, etc... However, the more I read, the more I realize I'm a bad yogini, or maybe I'm a bad-ass yogini. Is there a difference? (Yogini = female who is on the yogic path, or in my case, female who is at the starting gate of the yogic path, having a smoke).
If you're not familiar with yoga, it's not only a physical activity per se, it's a whole lifestyle of meditation, vegetarianism, eco-consciousness and loving-kindness. Now, I cherish the planet and do what I can to reduce my ecological footprint but there are some yogic concepts I'm failing to embrace. Perhaps this seals my fate as forever damned, destined to burn in the fires of hell or remain in the continuous cycles of birth and death until I stop eating meat.
Reasons why I'm a bad yogini:
1 - A life lived without consuming bacon on a regular basis is a life not worth living.
2 - Generally speaking, I hate other people, most of the time. They're rude and irritating and get in my way.
3 - I drink coffee. I've tried to give it up but I simply can't. Yes, it's a stimulant and probably clouds my potentially meditative mind. However, I'm used to being confused. Clarity may traumatize me.
4 - I drink alcohol. I shudder at the very idea of what life would be like without booze.
5 - Chocolate. Anyone who tells me to give up chocolate should be hung by their toenails.
6 - I can be a rabid consumer. On occasion, my need to acquire things is equal to that of a crack whore scoring her next high.
7 - At times, I am so totally engrossed in obsessing about my appearance that I momentarily forget I have a soul.
8 - I never meditate. Barreling down a ski hill on a mountain bike towards what I perceived as certain death succeeded in temporarily wiping out those ever intrusive thoughts. Why do I need to sit still?
9 - I would gladly give up my first born to HBO, if they asked, and if I had a first born.
10 - I gossip. This trash-talkin' mouth should be regularly washed out with soap.
So... you can probably find me in the Universe's heap of rejects. We'll be having a drink.