Thursday, October 7, 2010

Diary of a Hollywood starlet

Last night, while watching the latest season of America's Next Top Model, during commercial breaks on Dragon's Den (yes, it was our "B" show, and yes, we have adult onset ADD), I was highly disturbed by the extreme thinness of the contestants. 

Sure, they sent one home for being too skinny a couple weeks ago but the current front runner practically disappears when she turns sideways. She is skinnier than a stick figure, and the judges were praising her latest photograph. Said in faux French accent: "This is high fashion. You own that picture." This got me thinking, and no good can come of that.

It reminded me of what seems to be every new Hollywood starlet's story. In that spirit, I present to you a photo diary of a Tinseltown ingenue:

I can't freakin' believe I got discovered! Although I knew it would happen sometime. I mean, look at me, I'm a talented, intelligent, gorgeous, self-assured, voluptuous woman. I ROCK.

Ok, so, um, lose a few pounds. Sure. I can do that. Actually, it's probably good for me. I was a little on the heavy side, and the camera adds like, ten pounds, so yeah, it makes sense. It's a healthy choice. Really, in the long run, it's what's best for me. It's not like it's gonna take over my life. I'm still focused on my career, and my craft.

I am WORKIN' IT! F*ck, I am hot. I haven't eaten in a couple days but I feel great! That Red Bull is kicking in. And smoking has really suppressed my appetite. I could run another mile but, oh God, I'm feeling faint. Gotta stop... out of... breath.... Maybe just a short break, then I'll hit the gym for the afternoon and burn off the celery stick I ate last Monday. What is that, like, 10 calories? Gotta work it off, gotta burn that shit off my thighs. I am a f*cking STAR!

Chewed some sugar-free gum this morning. Ran 2 miles. Had to stop. Head rush. Ran another mile. Had to stop again. Out of breath, heart pounding, feeling weak, might pass out. Could eat half a baby carrot. Then will have to go to gym. Damn paparazzi! They're everywhere! Did they get my good side? The one where I look really skinny in my sports bra and spandex? Do I look perfect? I'm almost there, I know it. Just a few more pounds, and I'll be perfect.



Fickle Cattle said...

I've come across a lot of bloggers who sound exactly like that. They say they are "pro-anorexia". They even have support groups. I thought it was the saddest thing.

I am Fickle Cattle.

lauracarroll said...

Great post. Brings to mind starlets who have also perfectly sculpted themselves -- check out celebitchy article re the November issue of Harper's Bazzar UK -- she is on the cover and pics in the interview article. What happened to darling Bridget Jones? Then there's Demi Moore, Madonna, Hillary Swank..others? Not that being in shape is a bad thing, but it is so clear they are also fixated on some image of "perfect" -- at least they have to eat (I think) to get buff rather than starve themselves...Laura


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