**These episodes are solely a product of my own imagination. Any resemblance whatsoever to actual events is purely coincidental.
Me: I know about you and Sanjay.
Anderson: Of course you do, you set us up.
Me: Andy, baby, you know what I mean. I know you two are sleeping together.
Sanjay: I think it's more than that.
Me: Is it, Andy? Are you in love with Sanjay?
Anderson: I thought I might be. But then, when Sanjay told me about his Prada deal with you, and I found out what kind of sacrifice you were making for me, for us, I don't know, things changed.
Sanjay: But things were so... intense between us. Are you denying that?
Anderson: I'm not but... I love my wife. I really do.
Sanjay: And I'm caught in the middle. On one hand, I have a Prada wholesale hook-up and on the other, a hot news anchor. It's like being caught between a rock and a hard place.
Anderson: Let me make it easier for you. I choose my wife.
Sanjay: Wow. It's like you didn't even have to think about it. Didn't any of it mean anything to you?
Anderson: Of course it did, I'm not some heartless bastard. But I didn't have all the information. Now I do. Sure, Sassy can be a bitch sometimes.
Me: Hey!
Anderson: Well, it's true.
Me: Yeah, I guess you're right.
Anderson: But she's also the craziest, hottest, tightest piece of ass I've ever had.
Sanjay: You really know how to make a guy feel special.
Anderson: Sanjay, you were there for me when I needed someone, when Sassy couldn't be, because of her depression. Hey, um, that's done by the way, right?
Me: Oh yeah.
Anderson: Ok good. As I was saying, you were there when I needed you.
Sanjay: And now you want to discard me like yesterday's trash.
Anderson: You know that's not true. Don't vilify me because you're angry and feeling rejected.
Sanjay: Don't patronize me. I love you.
Anderson: I thought I loved you to.
Me: Boys, stop. There's no reason we can't resolve this. We're three extraordinarily attractive people. Obviously, we all care about each other. So why not show it? Together? The three of us?
Anderson: Are you saying what I think you're saying?
Sanjay: Yes, she is.
Me: So, what do you say boys? How's about you and you and me take this to the bedroom?
Anderson: I love you.
Me: I love you too.
Sanjay: I love you three.
Anderson: Wait! What are we going to do about Soledad? You're not safe as long as she's out there.
Me: Let me worry about that. Right now I've got bigger fish to fry.
Anderson: I love it when you talk dirty. Sanjay, come on.
Sanjay: No need to ask me twice.
1 comment:
If only conversations with Anderson Cooper actually existed like that. You should be a soap opera writer, you would be fantastic at it.
-Ava
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