Thursday, March 4, 2010

When it rains, it pours

These past two days have been an all-you-can-eat buffet of smuttiness. Today, The Huffington Post was oozing with trash. Good trash.

First up (this one is from the New York Post): Vanessa Paradis tells partner Johnny Depp to walk away from his current film project. Why, you ask? Because there's a hot, steamy sex scene with Angelina Jolie. Can you blame Vanessa? 

Angelina's history is pretty indicative of what dangers may lie ahead. She stole Billy Bob Thornton (why?) from Laura Dern (who deserved so much better anyway) and Brad Pitt from Jennifer Aniston - we're still hearing about that one.

However, I have a pretty high opinion of Johnny Depp, and don't think he would stoop so low as to take up with Angelina. If he is than Vanessa deserves better. But this would greatly surprise me. Johnny strikes me as having some integrity. He wouldn't. Would he? 

Then, I almost tossed my lunch when I came across these pictures of La Lohan skankin' it up for some magazine. Ewww..... this is all she has left. Scraping the bottom of the barrel. Reeking of desperation. LOOK AT ME. LOVE ME. GIVE ME A JOB. I can't take it. It's cringe-inducing crusty-crotchness, à la Pamela Anderson. Someone get this girl off the air.

This next one is just icing on the cake; a big, fat, juicy cherry on a sunday. Well, maybe not so big or fat or juicy. Apparently, John Gosselin has a small weenie, and Playgirl wouldn't pay much for it. He would be considered more of a "novelty" than a sex symbol. Ouch. 

Two of his ex-girlfriends claim John is somewhat challenged in the penis department. Makes me wonder why Kate hasn't said anything about this yet. Is this why they needed to resort to fertility treatments? Just askin'. 

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